Say it Sister...
Lucy and Karen, two 40-somethings, are always chatting about life, and all that it has to throw at them, and now want to share their raw, honest conversations with you. Their journey of self-discovery and healing is something many of us can relate to. We all possess a unique power within us, but life’s trials often knock us off course. They have the tools, the courage to speak up and simply say it as it is, so you might feel seen, and understood and gain practical tools and techniques for self-discovery and personal growth during the changes we experience.
Say it Sister...
Creating Safe Spaces: Empowerment Through Self-Discovery and Nature
What if feeling safe could open up a world of relief and readiness for life? In this transformative episode of the Say it Sister podcast, Karen and Lucy take you on an enlightening journey into the profound concept of safety. We kick things off by discussing how identifying, feeling, and building a sense of safety can profoundly impact our lives. Karen offers her invaluable wisdom on recognizing when we don’t feel safe and the crucial importance of taking action. Meanwhile, Lucy shares a heartfelt and eye-opening personal experience from a pro-peace rally, highlighting the significance of acknowledging our nervousness and always having a backup plan. We emphasize the power of trusting our instincts and sharpening our "antennae" to navigate life's various situations, ultimately helping women reclaim their power and create safe spaces where they can truly thrive.
If you need support or are ready to open up about your experiences, please connect on the Say it Sister private Facebook Group or can also contact:
- A doctor or practice nurse at your GP surgery
- A voluntary organisation, such as Rape Crisis, Women's Aid, Victim Support, The Survivors Trust or Male Survivors Partnership
- The 24-hour freephone National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge, on 0808 2000 247
As conversation deepens as we explore connecting with our ancestors and embracing holistic practices to heal generational wounds and bolster self-reliance. Through engaging in nature-based activities like hiking, wild camping, and foraging, we discover a renewed sense of safety and trust in our abilities. We also delve into the liberating aspects of aging, focusing on self-acceptance and feeling safe and authentic in our own bodies. We wrap up with a heartfelt discussion about finding safety in nature and the importance of listening to our bodies. Join us, as we encourage you to use your voice, be it through journaling, speaking, or singing, and find your own grounding rituals. This episode is a call to reconnect with nature and ourselves, creating a foundation of safety and empowerment in our lives.
Hello and welcome to the Say it Sister podcast.
Speaker 2:I'm Lucy and I'm Karen, and we're thrilled to have you here. Our paths crossed years ago on a shared journey of self-discovery, and what we found was an unshakable bond and a mutual desire to help others heal and live their very best lives.
Speaker 1:For years, we've had open, honest and courageous conversations, discussions that challenged us, lifted us and sometimes even brought us to tears. We want to share those conversations with you. We believe that by letting you into our world, you might find the courage to use your voice and say what really needs to be said in your own life.
Speaker 2:Whether you're a woman seeking empowerment, a self-improvement enthusiast or someone who craves thought-provoking dialogue, join us, as we promise to bring you real, unfiltered conversations that encourage self-reflection and growth.
Speaker 1:So join us as we explore, question and grow together. It's time to say Say it Sister, hello, hello, hello. It's Karen and Lucy here back for episode three of the Say it Sister podcast, and today we are talking about safety again, but more turning into the conversation around how do we feel safe, how do we know we're feeling safe and how can we build that into our lives. It will be an empowering conversation. We will give you some tips and some processes that you can go through to help you connect with that inner power that we spoke about on last week's podcast. How are you, karen? Yeah, this is one of my favourite topics.
Speaker 2:I could talk about all my life. I do want to say that you know this is going to really really help you to come back into your full power as a woman and to really really claim your space, claim your authority and at the same time, the world is not safe all the time. You know there are many negative influences out there that we need to be mindful of. So if at any point, you generally don't feel safe, you need to listen to that and you need to, you need to take an action. So this is amazing for you. When you are in a space that is safe. This is the work to be done to convince yourself, to tell yourself, to remind yourself that you're safe. But if you're not, please do something about it.
Speaker 1:So I'm just going to ask you how do you know you're safe, karen? What's that feeling for you?
Speaker 2:Well, the feeling is one of like relief always. So, you know, when I know that I'm safe, I feel relief, I feel open, I feel ready for life. You know, I'm not sort of shielding or defending. So that's where I go and obviously that's the place where we all want to be. We don't want to be defending, we don't want to be fighting, we don't want to be um, you know, having to sort of like leave spaces and run away, do we? We all want to be in our true power. So it's a process that I go through to remind myself that I am safe, when I am safe and I'm going to talk to you about that in a bit but what do you do? Tell me about your, your recipe.
Speaker 1:I have a really good example of feeling safe. That happened just this Saturday and in our local city there was a pro-peace, pro-unity rally and I'm not associated with any of the groups that were running it or holding it and myself and my two daughters wanted to go and show love and solidarity and uh, and we all made some uh placards saying give a little, uh, put a little love in your heart or give peace a chance, and it was. It was a really lovely spirit that we were getting ourselves into. And then, just before we left, my youngest uh said I'm really nervous, mum, and I said I am too, so I named it. And, um, I said the way I'm really nervous, mum, and I said I am too, so I named it and I said the way I'm approaching it is that we will go there and we will go armed with all of our love in our hearts.
Speaker 1:But if it doesn't feel safe or it doesn't have the feeling that we need to join in, have the feeling that we need to join in, we'll just carry on walking by and it is fine.
Speaker 1:But we did get there and actually it was just people filled with love and you could feel it in the atmosphere and it's like the essence, and we all know that feeling where there's a little bit of joy in the space and we were all there and I was there holding my placard, I was embracing it, I was chanting and singing and dancing and moving and even though the whole of the city were walking past, I didn't care because I felt totally safe with these people, with my children, and bit by bit they started feeling safe because they could see me role modelling it.
Speaker 1:So, like you say, it's that feeling that you can just be yourself. But it's also to know that if it's a new experience that you haven't been through before, you don't know these people, you don't know this space, it's okay to check in with that nervousness or that apprehension and have a backup plan of if you don't feel safe, what are you going to do. But yeah, it's that for me, that feeling, that feeling of just yeah, you feel it in the air, it's like an essence of yes, I can be myself here and it's those antennae that we have don't?
Speaker 2:we haven't seen this like little snail sort of going along the path and it's got its antennae up and it's like you know, just like smelling everything in the air and you know, it's like I've seen those like, literally, antennae that are up that you know we don't, we can't see them, but we have them, and so we're constantly reading situations. We're always, like you know, I think, ultimately, as women, we're always probably asking ourselves these questions Am I safe here? Am I safe with you? Can I trust you? Are you like you want to? Are you like a sister, or are you in my tribe like a sister? Are you? Are you in my tribe?
Speaker 2:You know, this is something that's so inherent because, if you think about you know, tribes and cultures. They needed each other to survive. You know this idea of like plugging in and plugging into mutual support, um, you know I always go back to like the idea of like women feeding each other's children, and you know we had to trust each other to survive because we couldn't really do it alone and actually to be outcast is actually quite dangerous. So you know, the tribal instinct is to sort of come together to support each other and to lift each other up, and when I hear that, you know, I hear about the love and the connection. That's a safe space, that's somewhere that you could get into. Not only could you get into it, you could share it, it and I feel like that's what we all need, don't we? On so many levels?
Speaker 1:yeah, and you know what, uh, three or four years ago no, well, two years ago, um, me and my girls, uh took a holiday to, uh, we went intervailing around Europe and, um, because I wasn't as um, free and naive as I used to be, what I made sure was that I knew which trains to get and that we had accommodation within easy reach of the train station, so we weren't walking around with loads of bags on our backs, etc. So I did those, you know, safety mitigation things, um. But then as we were walking around, um, all of our antennas were up and we were all listening to each other. It's almost like we had three lots of antennas all going off, um, and some of the places we went to were just amazing. And other places we went to, yeah, we really did feel that we had to leave or be, you know, be alert or be aware, and we got out of those spaces quite quickly.
Speaker 1:And it wasn't a particular country, it might have just been a street or walking past a cafe where there was a little bit of an edge, and so, you know, this is it's not just about being safe in your home or in your local community.
Speaker 1:Actually, what we found was going around Europe. Most people are inherently good people and they are welcoming and if you needed help, wanted to ask for directions, needed to go and use their restroom, whatever it was, most people were really, really welcoming. And so that's given me, and also my children, this and this feeling that actually the world is good, but you still do need to be on alert and, yeah, and that's through my awareness of you know, noticing the signals, but also the fact that I have been um through my healing journey and had we have done that journey, probably when I was in my 30s I'd have probably been a very different mother going around those cities and you've done a lot of work over particularly the last seven years of your healing journey to get to this feeling of safety. Just share some of the things that you did, some things you tried that worked, that didn't work, that might help our listeners you know, I think everything I tried has actually worked.
Speaker 2:It's such like an open, receptive vessel, you know.
Speaker 2:But you know, there was a time when, actually, the only way I could do it was to be in it and to feel it and to, you know, get into my little cave, my, my woman cave, which was my bed, and, you know, just take care of myself, feel my emotions, just let the despair overtake me. Sometimes, knowing full well that I was a new mom and I had to also take care of my daughter, was like a really good level for me, because it meant that when I did go into the space of despair, I did it in a very controlled way and very measured way, which gave me a sense of peace in a weird way, knowing that I could also be laughing and enjoy with my, you know, like my newborn baby and be a fully active mother. But I also knew that I had to take space and time when she was asleep to do this this, you know, safe healing, I would call it Otherwise, you'd have been doing the healing whilst with your daughter or dealing with trauma, and it was never going to work.
Speaker 2:Yeah well the trauma was in me. So you know when you've got PTSD, you never know when you're going to respond to something. So I had to. I had, I had to serve myself and her by doing the work, and some of that was just to be in the present moment, feel the feelings. And then I've had a variety of guides over the years. They've taught me many different things and each one has come at the right time and really helped me to tackle what needed to be tackled.
Speaker 2:At that point I feel like it's just such. It's literally like stepping stones. You know you do that, you do the next bit. But some of the things that have really helped me in the last couple of years probably the last two years, once I'd got out of the you know the cave, once I decided it was time to come out of the cave my daughter was in school by then it was like there's a world out there and I want to be part of it in a way that is not through a computer screen, you know. I want to be able to go and retreat. So whatever might come up from my clients that I work with to be able to say sure, I'll come to Switzerland and do a talk about, you know, menopause and perimenopause, no problem. Yes, I can go down on a train to London, but I couldn't have done that before because I was too triggered and too nervous in a way that my nervous system was not regulated enough to be able to.
Speaker 2:I was doing things, big things, but in a very safe way, and now it's much more like yay, but the things that have really worked for me, you know, I work with an amazing woman I'm going to put her details on um, our Facebook page, if you're all right with that Lucy, who is a, you know, a trauma expert. She does specialize in PTSD, so for anyone out there who has PTSD, she's called Jane, I'm going to post the details. But she is also a therapeutic coach and so she does this like very beautiful work and you know it's tapping, it's EMDR, it's more of the therapeutic based approaches to releasing trauma from the body. Because, whilst you can do so much work, if it's still sitting in your body, it's still there and that's where PTSD or complex PTSD can be in our systems for so long. And unless we're doing active ways to help us stay calm, even if we're triggered, you you know, so that we're not back in the trauma that's gonna that.
Speaker 2:I think for me, fundamentally, this has been, the last two years have been the fundamental pieces that have enabled me to actually say, yes, I can do, I can get on a plane, yes, I can get on a train on my own, um, and I'm not, you know, in a state of anxiety, and if I do feel anxious, I can tap. So I do all my tapping rituals now, because I've trained in that as well. So, you know, I think there is so much that you can do to feel safe in your own body by releasing the stuck blocks, trauma, whatever it might be for you, whatever you're going through, that will help you to feel a state of rest, will help you sleep more easily at night, um, and that you can also use, you know, whilst you're on the road yeah, I I'll be completely frank and honest to the listeners.
Speaker 1:Um, it was after my most recent um assault that I actually reconnected with Karen, and so it was a blessing because we're now reconnected and Karen really helped me process a lot of what I was going through. And we said in the last episode speak quickly. I reconnected with you about a week after my assault and because I went there really quickly and I wanted to process the hell out of it, it released really quickly for me and part of that was doing some guided meditation. Some of it was using the Akashic Records, some of it was using the Akashic Records and there was a lot of visualizations, because I'm a I'm a visual person, my storyteller, and I need to imagine things in my mind and letting go, et cetera. So that really worked for me.
Speaker 1:But then more recently, I've really connected with my, say, my ancestors. So not only did I connect with them through the work that we did together, karen, but then it started this journey of me wanting to learn more about them. What were the times in their lives, what was it like living in that period of time? And, as a result, I went through listening to and reading lots about witches and and actually I just need to put it out there witches now is almost like this reclaiming, and there are so many people that are learning and understanding and putting some of the practices. So it's not all about hexes and spells and all that kind of stuff, sometimes, it's just about being in nature and just realizing that we're all part of this big system.
Speaker 1:Um, so, anyway, I started going on this journey and then, uh, realizing that I'm part of a lineage of women and who have faced this stuff, and I'm almost got to heal those really old wounds within me so that I can almost break the chain, the generational chain, and release it for my daughters. So another thing that is really important for me is also feeling physically safe in my body, and so I do lots of hiking, I've gone wild camping, I will forage for food, and it might sound a little bit crazy, but you know I'm an outdoors kind of person. But again, it's knowing that when I'm out in nature I can survive, I can light my own fire, I can navigate, and that has also given me this feeling of safety, because, whatever situation I'm in, I trust myself now that I can get out of it and I will be just fine, and so yeah, I just wanted to share that for the listeners because I'm sure some of my little witchy insights or ancestral insights will also come up throughout the shows.
Speaker 2:I think we should do a whole another one on ancestors, by the way, because there's so much to say about that. But what I do want to say to you is I'm so proud of you because I feel like the way that you approached your healing journey was incredible and so present in the moment and so committed to your own healing, to your own evolution as well. You know, you were just so powerful in yourself even though you were going through something that was painful.
Speaker 1:So I want to I have to say that as a double, underline it in lights, flashing lights to say like amazing, amazing work and, yeah, I'm testament to the fact that you can go through stuff and process it and heal from it really quickly If you almost throw yourself hugely into it.
Speaker 1:And actually the stuff that is taking me longer to heal from are the things that I've had buried for years and years and years, so it almost it gets harder that the more you buried it. Um, but because of what happened, it forced me to go back to all of those other instances that happened through my life and I've just looked at them all and said none of it was my fault. Yes, I was in situations because I didn't have the skills or the techniques or the awareness, but now I have them, I am safe and I think there's a little bit there about being in my later 40s now. There's a little bit there about being in my later 40s now, and I'm not quite, but soon my baby making time is done and so I'm not useful to some of those people anymore and I don't get the attention when I walk down the street like I used to, and so that's almost well. It is really liberating that gives me a lot of sleep.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I want to say, oh, it's liberating yeah, yeah, exactly, and you know, I'll wear clothes that I want to wear, not because somebody's going to judge me on them. It's like I feel good, um, this is what, how I want to show up, and and that's where I know I'm feeling really safe and uh, and it is an incredible feeling. I just wish I'd had it all my my whole life.
Speaker 2:Well, now is the time, isn't it? And now is the time to talk about it, and now is the time to educate, and now is the time to you know, to share, because younger women will be listening to this. We all have to, like, walk our own path, don't we, and have our own experiences. There's a part of me that always wants to go in and like, take everything away. It's so wrong, because she has to have her own human experiences, as we all do, and we've all got who knows what's ahead of us? We don't know that. We only know what's behind us, don't we?
Speaker 2:And what's happening right now, in this moment, and I feel like the more we can do to just talk about our experiences and share what works for us, then at least that can get passed down the line and then support those that are going through things right now. You know who. We're further down the line in our journeys, but we have had a lot of life experience and that means that we can support others that might be in that life experience and not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and so dark in there that you know we can go in there and say, hey, sister, I always say the same. I hear you, I see you, I love you and I will support you. You know just as we have done for each other over, you know, the course of our many years, and that can be the light that helps someone to break through, to go. You know, and it's that I believe in you piece.
Speaker 2:Someone said that to me, um, when I said, I said with the first person that I worked with he was a man actually who, but as such a beautiful man, and I said to him I don't know if I'm going to ever recover from this, and he said I believe in you, and not on my watch. And so we and it, I, it sort of. I think about that a lot. I I think about those words. He's solid, he's like a grandfather, energy, he's like an elder, and I really felt it from him and I just thought I knew it was true. I knew it was true.
Speaker 1:Do you know what it is really powerful when a man gives you those words and you totally feel safe in their presence. And I've had that happen to me a few times in my life where I've just thought I totally believe that whatever I go through, you will be there for me and make me feel safe. When I'm not feeling safe and that isn't the masculine of energy of I'm going to go and beat them up or I'll sort it out for you it's actually staying in the hard place with you and just say I, I'm here, I see you, you know I'm not going away and and whether you're a man, woman, grandparent, friend, you can absolutely be that energy and I'm really interested. Are there any particular tools that you would share with our listeners? As you know, I know it's not a tick like do step one, two, steps two and then you're healed, um, but is there any wisdom that you can offer?
Speaker 2:yeah, there's something else I want to say about your share, and then I'll go into that. You said when you were describing the foraging and being in nature and I, what I was hearing was you are connected to your body as well as nature. So you are in nature and you're connected to your body and I feel like that's where the healing happens, that's where feeling safe happens, because we're not disconnected from our bodies. We're actually, you know, fully in ourselves. This is the safest place for any woman to be and man, you know. But we're speaking to the feminine and for me, when I'm in my body, I'm alive, I can trust it, I'm present. You know, my instincts are like there. When I'm somewhere else in my head perhaps, or I've disconnected completely, that's the most unsafe place for me. So what? When you were talking, I was like, yes, you're in your body and I think you know a woman who's connected to her body, is connected to her voice, and she is the most powerful woman and she's a woman not to be messed with. Generally speaking, you know, if you're thinking something bad towards someone, you're probably going to go for a woman standing next to her who's, you know, not not quite showing herself in the same way Generally. I mean, this isn't 100 percent all the time, we know that, but you know, generally speaking speaking.
Speaker 2:So I loved what you said because I was like yeah, absolutely, I feel that this is a safety practice. Whether or not we're consciously doing it as a safety practice or not, it really is. And the thing that I do that was taught to me by the woman I'm working with right now and I do it very often and basically I check out where I am. So this is about feeling safe in my body. When I am safe, so I'll go. I look around the room If I'm in a room and I'll go. Is it safe in this room? Yes, it's safe in the room.
Speaker 2:I'll listen to the sounds in the house. I'll say is it safe in the house? Yeah, safe in the house. I'll look out onto the street and I'll say is it safe on the street right now? Yes, it's safe on the street right now.
Speaker 2:And I'm just using all my senses and some of that is sound and sight. Might be a feeling. There might be a feeling in my body that I'm going. Is this feeling present now? No, okay, yes, I am safe in my body. And then I just say to myself it's safe for me to feel safe when I am safe and I take a deep breath in and I'll just release anything out that's fear related with my breath, and then I come back into my body. It's safe for me to feel safe in my body and I just wait for my body to just my body, my mind, you know, my space around me to just be like okay, we've got this, and I'll say something like I am powerful now, or I am here now, and that is, you know, that's the way for me to get back, to get back home into me, into my heart, into the present moment, and it's not failed me so far. Let's say that.
Speaker 1:Oh, and I just want to just acknowledge Even going you know, doing this as a almost, like a rehearsal you've changed the essence of the energy in your space, in my space and I bet the space rippling around the world right now with all the listeners there's an essence that shifts just by doing that slowing down, checking and then saying I'm safe, yeah.
Speaker 2:And if we weren't, then it's like oh, actually no one you know, cause it's a great check-in full stop. Like I just know there is something going on.
Speaker 1:I'm not safe yeah, I mean if there was something outside going on, oh no, I'm not safe right now. So that first check is just like let's bring the awareness, am I safe? And if there is no evidence to suggest that you're not safe, then just go through the process. If there is evidence, then do something about it yeah, 999 it's your best.
Speaker 2:Seriously, like like we need to call the police more often. I'm like serious, I'm serious. I've just really started to realize that it's taken me a long time to go hold on a minute. I have a phone, I can put three digits in, you know, and be connected to somebody. Like how amazing is that? You know, I've known that all my life but never really thought about it properly. And I feel like, you know, there are so many procedures in place of things that we can do and often it's just to know it's there. You know we're not going to be. I'm joking when I say that. You know I'm obviously not going to call the police all the time, but there's been moments out on the street where people come towards me and I've thought, if you keep going, I'm on my phone, mate, you know, and I'm not scared to do that if I'm not safe. But when I'm safe, I'm here and I'm back in my body and I'm present within myself and I'm a good, kind, loving person and I do my very best and that's okay for me.
Speaker 1:Well, that sums it up really just, yeah, I'm a good, kind person and I'm doing my best. Yeah, love that. So, um, you're gonna put that um in the, the Facebook page, just so everybody has got the that sequence. Um, and even if you want to just keep rewinding this podcast and just listen to Karen's words as she says it until it's in your head and it's your mantra, then do it, because it is so powerful and even just hearing you go through it, I was like, yes, right now I'm completely safe. Um, so I'd be really curious for our listeners just to share um, what did you learn through that process? What came up for you? How might you start using this in your life? And I just invite you, karen, just to share one piece of wisdom or one lasting thought that you want to share on this huge topic, your favorite topic, on feeling safe.
Speaker 2:You know when you know, you know, you know we do get blindsided, but there's something else. There's generally some signal, so I would just my wisdom is to listen deeply inside your own body.
Speaker 1:And my wisdom that I would like to share is get out in nature, whether it's sitting on a balcony, sitting in a park. Look up at the sky at night out of your window, listen to the birds, because there's something there that just signifies that the world is out there and actually it has its rhythm and its flow and you are being held by something greater, whatever that greatness looks like to you. But, yeah, there's something really grounding and safe just by being in nature. So I invite you all to find your thing. So thank you for being on this journey with us. Um, we hope that you took something from today, and this topic will come up time and time again, because we've got so much information and knowledge to share with you. So, thank you, thank you, stay safe everybody. So thanks for listening and we can't wait to welcome you next time Until then use your voice, journal speak or sing out loud.
Speaker 2:However you do it, we hope you join us in saying it's a star.