Say it Sister...
Lucy and Karen, two 40-somethings, are always chatting about life, and all that it has to throw at them, and now want to share their raw, honest conversations with you. Their journey of self-discovery and healing is something many of us can relate to. We all possess a unique power within us, but life’s trials often knock us off course. They have the tools, the courage to speak up and simply say it as it is, so you might feel seen, and understood and gain practical tools and techniques for self-discovery and personal growth during the changes we experience.
Say it Sister...
Uncovering Empowerment in the Menopausal Journey
Navigating the uncharted waters of perimenopause and menopause can be both bewildering and empowering. Join us as we share our personal journeys through these transformative stages of life, discussing the initial confusion when symptoms first appeared in our early 40s and how understanding our bodies became paramount. By drawing parallels with our mothers' experiences, we highlight the genetic links and the crucial need for open conversation in fostering a supportive space for women during Menopause Awareness Month. Our stories aim to encourage you to listen to your body and embrace self-care as you traverse this often-overlooked transition.
As we venture into the maze of menopause, we shine a light on the less-discussed symptoms beyond hot flushes, from the fog of confusion to the throes of social anxiety. These symptoms often prompt a deeper interrogation of identity and purpose. We confront societal misconceptions about aging, particularly within the professional sphere, and call upon women to seek wisdom and support from those who have already walked this path. It's about fostering empowerment and flexibility, transforming menopause into a chapter not of loss, but of liberation and self-discovery.
Celebrate the wisdom of age and challenge the societal pressures to cling to youthfulness. By exploring archetypes like the maiden, mother, and crone, we find strength in their timeless wisdom and the playful spirit they inspire. We discuss the profound strength found in women's support networks and the simple joy of asking for help when needed, emphasizing that no one should journey through menopause alone. With stories of sisterhood and shared experiences, we underscore the immense power of connection, honoring the wisdom and strength gained through embracing every chapter of life's journey.
Hello and welcome to the Say it Sister podcast.
Speaker 2:I'm Lucy and I'm Karen, and we're thrilled to have you here. Our paths crossed years ago on a shared journey of self-discovery, and what we found was an unshakable bond and a mutual desire to help others heal and live their very best lives.
Speaker 1:For years, we've had open, honest and courageous conversations, discussions that challenged us, lifted us and sometimes even brought us to tears. We want to share those conversations with you. We believe that by letting you into our world, you might find the courage to use your voice and say what really needs to be said in your own life.
Speaker 2:Whether you're a woman seeking empowerment, a self-improvement enthusiast or someone who craves thought-provoking dialogue, join us, as we promise to bring you real, unfiltered conversations that encourage self-reflection and growth.
Speaker 1:So join us as we explore, question and grow together. It's time to say say it, sister.
Speaker 2:Hi everyone. It's Lucy and Karen here, and we're here to talk about the huge topic that is not going away, which is perimenopause and menopause. This month it's Menopause Awareness Month and we're going to talk about our experiences so far, the work we do with women, what we know to be true, and really bring this huge topic into the light in the best way that we possibly can, knowing that it's a complicated time of life and yet there isn't all you know. It isn't all gloom and doom. There is certainly lots of love and light in here as well, and at the same time, this is a difficult transition for many women. I also want to say that there's 51% of women in the UK right now who are in menopause or perimenopause. That is a huge amount of women and not everybody is talking about it or getting the right level of support. So we want to really just provide some you know, nice new tracks for women to you know. If they're ready, step on to with us. What's your take on on your journey so far, lucy?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't think I have the words. Really it has been a roller coaster. Yeah, I don't think I have the words. Really it has been a roller coaster. It has been dark, it has been joyful, it is been about reclaiming, reuniting, losing. So, yeah, there's so much. And I would say I think I noticed my first symptoms probably around the age of about 41. Noticed my first symptoms probably around the age of about 41, but I didn't know they were perimenopausal symptoms. By 42, 43 I'm thinking something's going on here, um and by 44 I was totally there and owning it, and now I'm 47. So yeah, I'd say probably like six, seven years in, but, as we know, this could last another three, four years till we actually hit the big, big m, the, the menopause, which is actually, medically speaking, just to be clear, it's a year after you've had your last period, um, but who knows I I have a coil in me, so I could actually be past it.
Speaker 2:I don't know oh, that might be my next step, because my periods are debilitating. Um, sometimes it can be like two and a half weeks, you know, really, really, really quite brutal. And also, you know yeah, I'm getting into detail here, aren't I? But you know I feel weak, like I'm losing a lot of blood, so there's like a lot going on for me in terms of just the physical. Like monthly cycle is becoming more and more problematic as I'm getting older.
Speaker 2:I remember my mum, so in some ways my mum's pain has been a bit of a service. To me Sounds a bit strange, but I remember seeing her go through it and I remember her skin and her hair and her mood, and I also remember she had a hysterectomy as well. So there was like that element to it. Um, and when she had a hysterectomy, they said to her that she'd been in perimenopause from 35, and one of the first things that as women is, if we can, is to speak to our mothers if they're still here, or try and even go back and remember what they were going through around the same sort of life stage, because there is a genetic link there as well. So it's important to do that sort of due diligence work and just ask the right questions, I think, um. So when my energy started to decline when I was 35, my mum was already sort of on it and saying you're probably in perimenopause, you're probably in perimenopause. So I had this almost like you know awareness. So I was already sort of on it and saying you're probably in perimenopause, you're probably in perimenopause. So I had this almost like you know awareness. So I was already sort of armed with this awareness of perimenopause phase and also what that could possibly mean.
Speaker 2:And at the same time it still felt quite early, but I definitely felt a shift change. And that's when I left my old corporate job because I just realized that I didn't want to keep on that rabbit you know rabbit wheel, hamster wheel. I didn't want to stay on the hamster wheel in the way that I was. I didn't feel like I was being kind to myself and this idea of like nobody likes the idea of pause, but this, you know, almost like slowing down a little bit, listening in and just being like, oh, what's happening inside my body and how am I really feeling? Listening in and just being like, oh, what's happening inside my body and how am I really feeling. And then, as I got a bit older I started to notice symptoms, although I didn't link it to perimenopause. For a long time, you know, my eyes weren't that great. I was getting migraines. Now I can see like thinning nails, thinning hair.
Speaker 2:But the big one, you know, the big one that people don't talk about is this you know, the depression, the anxiety and the self-doubt that comes through from this stage, because it's a, it's a highly cognitive stage of life when you know we have got brain fog, we can't remember why we're in a certain room, we don't remember people's names that we know really well and that heaps so much anxiety onto our system.
Speaker 2:And often, when we go to the doctors, you know they're not listening to what's going on. And so it's this, this time of, where the medical profession has failed women. Things are improving for sure, but if we as women are not listening to ourselves and going, oh, hold on a minute, let me just track some of these symptoms. It sounds a bit like A, b, c, d, e, f, g. You know, how can we possibly get the right level of support that we need? And I would say my, in my opinion, from the work I do, every single woman needs a level of support during perimenopause and menopause and not to take it as I'll just go away and stick my head in a fridge or I'll go away and deal with this in a dark room.
Speaker 1:I think feel like that old response is incredibly dangerous and damaging for women yeah, my experience with my own mother was quite different to yours and I think, from talking to a lot of women and they've had very similar experience to me in that, um, my mother kind of denied it I don't think she wanted to admit it, and they certainly didn't know that there were over 70 different symptoms and the only one that she ever talked to me about was the hot flushes which, to this date, I've never had. So you know our experiences. Every woman's experience is completely different, but even as I've started talking about my own perimenopause journey, she still feels quite disconnected because she wasn't aware of it at the time. So, absolutely, talking to other women and sharing your experiences, they might have a symptom that, as you're talking, it just like goes. Oh, that's been happening to me too. I didn't realize and that was kind of like my journey into it, and so, just to be really simple, I like clear things.
Speaker 1:Um, there tends to be five different ways in which menopause will show up for you, and we all know of the physical things, like your eyesight might go, you might get headaches, you get the changes in your periods, in your flow, pain, but I was also getting pain in my hips. I started getting some heart palpitations so I was thinking I'm having a heart attack. There's something going on with me. Obviously, the weight gain, so all of that. They're the physical things, and then you might get the physical things and then you might get the cognitive stuff, like you say, the brain fog finding things in the fridge. I can't tell you how many times I've put something in a safe place, so I don't forget it. I have no idea where that safe space is. I mean, eventually I'm going to find this collection of all these amazing items that I put away somewhere Right now, not a chance. Items that I put away somewhere right now, not a chance. So, yeah, you know, my children always laughed that I would call them every single name, including the dog's name, until I eventually get to their name. But sometimes I play with it a little bit, but, yeah, that is very much there.
Speaker 1:And then you get the emotional ones, like the rage, and the rage is real and but also, yeah, flying off the handle, feeling like you're not yourself, and I think it was the social anxiety was the one that got me first and I was. You know, I was going to networking events and just like I don't really want to be here, I just want to sit in the corner, which was never me, and so yeah, and then, thankfully, lockdown happened. I didn't have to deal with that at all. Um, so yeah, there's definitely this cognitive one that goes on. Um, and so yeah, then you have the mental health one, and a lot of women do actually get prescribed the wrong medication, so antidepressants, mood stabilizers, sleeping pills, things like that, and actually it is. You know, they might be needed, but equally, it is not because they are mentally ill.
Speaker 2:I was trying to prescribe, I just say.
Speaker 1:The final one was obviously the spiritual, which I think comes from going through all of this stuff. Then you start thinking who even am I? Where am I going? What's this all about? Which is where a lot of women then end up leaving their marriages, their careers. They change. So I just wanted to just share a little bit about my journey in those five yeah, you know.
Speaker 2:And and then trying to navigate through that on your own, without a level of guidance, even if it's just speaking to a woman who's further down the line than you is. You know, that's why women say I feel so alone. I feel like I'm not needed anymore, I'm not sure what my purpose is. You know, we've all been growing up with those stories like, once you're past a certain age, you're of no use anymore and, um, I have a lot of women saying, well, I'm kind of at the end of my career and I'm like hold on a minute, you're not even 50 yet. What are you talking about? Like I'm on my second career, um, and I I'm just getting started on so many different levels. So it's like this, this mental thing, that kind of comes over women. I'm seeing it like a fog right now. You know, that kind of comes in, that's a little bit black and all of a sudden they stop believing in who they are, what they're here to do, they lose their voice, they become invisible and then they're just checking out, really, and I feel like there is a point, I think, where it's like actually hold on, right now, I do need to take care of myself, and perhaps there is some shifts and changes that can be made that will support a woman who is in her transition. You know, we know there's loads of different micro stages as well. That goes on, so that's why it becomes quite complicated. But if there is a woman who is struggling, she is going to need flexibility. That doesn't mean that, you know, you want to lose her from your business or from any kind of relationship. You want to keep that. You want to have her help her, empower her, listen to her, find out what she needs in a way that is really upholding. Because you know, as we know, that once you get into a certain phase with it and you, you know you have sort of dealt with some of the key symptoms and you found whatever works for you, then it can be really liberating.
Speaker 2:And you know I'm, I was offered um, I've forgotten the name of them now beta blockers, I think. I think they offered me beta blockers and I was like there's never been my approach to anything. Really. It's always like, well, if there's something going on, I want to work through it and I want to see you know what I need and that might be a form of therapy or some healing or whatever. And at the same time, when it came to perimenopause and being quite late on in that, I realized that I did need something like HRT. You know which I now take, you know, estrogen and progesterone, which has been a great service to me because I was just exhausted, and progesterone, which has been a great service to me because I was just exhausted and I was. You know I was, I was managing everything still, but I'm still not in menopause and the idea of not taking something to support me through this phase and then going into menopause, it's not.
Speaker 2:It's also the long-term effects of what goes on with the body. So there's the mental, but there's also, you know, how it affects the heart, how we lose muscle mass. You know how um us to put us to, I can never say the word, but you know, when I'm still in parasis I can't say it. Um, you said it for me, thank you. And it's like really taking care of ourselves on many different levels, to think well, actually I want to be here for a long time. I've got a lot to serve and offer to the world and to myself, and I feel like that when we check out on ourselves.
Speaker 2:You know that's the one in 10. Now, the one in five women actually leave their jobs. That's a huge amount of women that we're losing from you know business, and if they're leaving their jobs, they may be disappearing from society as well. So this is. It is a bit of a pandemic, I think, in terms of the way it's been handled before and the way that we are looking to re-steer this journey for women, and also the aging thing. I brought this book, which we were going to talk about before, but then I've just decided to save it, and it's called Baba Yaga the Flying Witch.
Speaker 1:I love Baba Yaga. I actually said to my children that when, uh when, I become a grandmother, I want to be Baba Yaga well, let me just read this bit.
Speaker 2:Baba Yaga smiled a dreadful smile. Her mouth was full of iron teeth, her hair was greasy, her hands were warty, her nose reached down to her chin. You know, I'm just going to read that page. But this, the story of this, you know it's this like old witch who eats children, um, and the stepmother sends, like you know, her new daughter, stepdaughter, down to see Baba Yaga and her mother, her mother, who was dead, gives her this doll and says, if you ever get scared, give her water and give her food and she will take care of you. And, um, she goes and she feeds.
Speaker 2:This witch is like, you know, cat and dog, and they help her to escape because they say the animals say, well, you never fed us. We've been with you a long time but you never fed us and you never watered us. And it's this idea of nurturing and taking care of, you know, and the importance of that. And obviously she's there that you know, the, the old, like witch in the crone, like elder years, not portrayed in a very good way. He wants to meet this child, but I see so many different levels. And then the father is, like you know, number one. He brought the stepmother in in the first place, yet he's not portrayed in any sort of like demonic way.
Speaker 2:And then at the end, when the child escapes, he says off, you go to the woman, never return. And it's like, you know, there's just so many gender stereotypes in there. You know the women are either pure and good or they are, you know, demonic. And that older woman, you know the witch she's, you know she. That older, you know the witch she's, you know she's as a old woman and of course, none of us want to ever turn into that. So there's so much pressure to stay young and to stay like in an earlier stage of life, when actually, as we step into we, we feel more in our bodies. There's so much good stuff coming up and I want to hear from you, like what, what are the, the gifts of this life stage for you so far?
Speaker 1:oh, I feel like I've never been more me. Now. I've gone through, uh, most of my existential crises, um, part of it is by reconnecting with myself and what it is to be woman, who I was here to be, um, and going on that journey, which was as a result of perimenopause. Looking in the mirror and seeing that I have wrinkles, seeing that gravity is taking its toll and rather than wanting to stay young forever, it's actually been quite liberating for me to just say no, I am absolutely here with all of my wisdom, with my life experiences. I've literally grown humans in my body and now I see them go into the world, and so it's completely. It's been like a rebirth or unbecoming, everything that my 20s and 30s taught me that I should be, and I often joke that when people say life begins in your 40s, I'm like, actually, life begins with perimenopause in my experience, and I think it's because I've chosen to go through that path of reawakening and that whole spiritual journey. Yes, I have to wear reading glasses now. Yes, my hair is a bit thinner, I have a few aches and stuff, but I have so much more within me and I think I feel that because of some amazing women who are out there talking about this, spearheading it, putting it in the public domain. So I'm like, oh, I'm not alone and giving me advice.
Speaker 1:There's so many different Facebook groups and podcasts and books out there written by women, which is just phenomenal. But equally, one of my favorite books, which actually talks about Baba Yadda, is Haggitude by Sharon Blackie, and she talks about it's like let's not fear this stage. This is a stage of where, you know, we become more connected with ourselves and just because, historically, most women were off the shelf by a certain age, actually we're now, you know, living in the prime of our lives. Like you say, 51% of women are in this stage of life and um.
Speaker 1:And there's a scene in uh Fleabag where Kristen Scott Thomas talks about how it is the most awful thing to go through, but on the other end, it's the most beautiful thing. So that's where I am with it. I've, you know, I've been through my dark stages and self-doubt and a bit of self-loathing and I've come out the other end just like, wow, I've never been more me and my desire to connect with other women has never been stronger and all I want to do is like where's my women? Where's my women circles. Who wants to talk about this?
Speaker 2:And it's been really it feels like coming home yeah, liberating is the word I'm getting as well over here Like you know all the things that I was too scared to say and do. Or you know like I see myself doing things and I'm going to surprise myself sometimes and I'm like, oh, here she is. You know like I went out for dinner with some friends and I wasn't really feeling it, but I went and I got to a point where I thought I just want to leave and I just said you know what? I'm super tired, I'm gonna go. And I just said to somebody she said do you want me to get you off side of the building? I said, yeah, brilliant, I'll pay you tomorrow. And I just walked out and I left.
Speaker 2:And it wasn't because I didn't want to be with these women because I love them, but I was like I just don't, I just need something else for myself and to be able to leave sort of midway. And it wasn't even something that I necessarily even logically thought through. It was more instinctual and it's that. And I trust this woman inside me, because if she's not feeling something, she's not going to hang about and be like well, I'll just do the right thing and I'll make everybody else happy, which was the old me. She's much more like not working. I'm out of here, you know, and it's not personal, it's not personal towards anyone, it's just a need. It's like having that itch and I just go. I'm just going to scratch it.
Speaker 1:Bye everybody love you all. But a lot of women who are equally our age are really cool with that as well. There's no judgment.
Speaker 2:They're like, yeah, I totally get it off you go there's nothing worse than sitting at a table and feeling like you don't want to be there and you're not really able to contribute to the story or the stories that are being told. And then it kind of I think I've lived like that before and then you kind of get into your head like the belonging story gets told, like, oh, I don't think I'd never belong here anymore. You know, this really doesn't feel like I'm part of this and that's really damaging for women. So you know I do belong in that group. But then that night I didn't feel like I did and I just didn't want to be there. And that is fine. It's not a big story about I don't belong in this group, it's just I think it's just listening to yourself and just going what do I want, what do I need?
Speaker 1:okay, let's make something happen and I've turned down quite a few big events this year. Um, because I've chose consciously no, I'm not feeling it. Or do I really want to get on a train and book a hotel and stay in London for um, just to, you know, be at this thing or go to that thing, and the answer is no, I don't want to and I have absolutely no qualms about turning it down. And there's just so many of them. Maybe my energy will come back in a few years, but right now I'm like no, I want to hibernate, I want to get my heated blanket and light my candles and just relax, and I've got to say one of the things that I really, um has surprised me about menopause is my aversion to alcohol.
Speaker 1:Now, now, I've always you know, I'm a nineties kids. You know if you weren't trashed at the weekend, there was something wrong and and I think I kept that you know having a glass of wine every evening or going out and doing shots. You know, even through my thirties and I guess early 40s as well, that was still part of British drinking culture and now I just I don't want to anymore. Part of it is the hangovers are so bad, but I think because I feel so empowered and liberated and free within myself. I don't need alcohol to have a good time and, equally, it takes away the truthness of who I am. It's a really strange concept and that nobody prepared me for that one, but it is this kind of actually do I want to be here, do I want to be participating in those activities?
Speaker 2:and if it doesn't feel right now, I don't have this fear of missing out like I used to, and it that is liberating yeah, and what I'm hearing as well is this, and it speaks to me as well is this idea of being guiltless, like to be able to do things without the guilt or the shame or the oh. You know that that kind of it's the backtrack that we give ourselves. You know that we make a decision and then it's like, oh, did I do the right thing? Is somebody upset?
Speaker 1:oh, now I feel a little bit guilty. It's unapologetic, isn't it?
Speaker 2:you're like oh just, you know, all of that just for me. I'm not saying I still do feel guilt about certain things, for sure, but I definitely feel it's much more simple inside myself, maybe because my energy is so precious and, you know, I really want to protect my energy and I really want to be able to give to the people that I want to give to. And so I'm much more like discerning and conscious about what I'm doing, who I'm doing it with, what fills me up with joy? Where is joy leaking out me? The other side, and it's all of that that's become so much more precious and important.
Speaker 2:I don't think I really fully valued myself before, because I'm very tuned into other people. So if I can make somebody else happy, then I get joy from that. But it's become more about I still want to make people happy. Of course that's part of who I am. But now I'm like how can I do that in a way that really cares and honors me, you know, because if I'm, if I'm behind somehow, then I'm not really there, I'm not present. So it's become much more of a like and it feels more embodied and more almost like instinctual and natural, and then, rather than deliberating too much, I'm just doing things and then I kind of surprised myself so I had to go there. She is, you know. So that's been quite incredible and you just really redesigning. I really feel like I'm redesigning my life in a way that suits me now, not suited me before, but suits me in in this sort of moment and I always think now I'm always like now, now, because that now word is just like that's the opener for me.
Speaker 1:But what's really interesting about this whole topic is probably about 50 years ago, because of women standing in society. When you decide not to play the game or um, or be out there and doing all the things that you're used to, it's almost like you check out and there's no place for women anymore like that. So that's why we would end up, um, being mad, sad cat ladies almost, whereas now, because women in their 50s, like you say, are only just getting started, we are still in society, we're working, we're out there creating, we we still have a place and something to offer, and I think a lot of society has no idea how to deal with these super amazing, self-assured, liberated, guilt-free human beings who have inner power, and a lot of people are like saying it's, it's this generation that are really going to change the world, because we have no idea what they're capable of, and that excites the hell out of me it does to me, and the word I also get is this idea of being educated, because I feel like my education.
Speaker 2:I did the university, I went to university, but I've never stopped educating myself. So whether it's been the books that I've been reading or the programmes that I've or the courses that I've done, you know, and I still I know there's more education. I've got a wisdom in me that tells me things. So I listen to that and at the same time, is a something inside me that is constantly seeking, you know and growing. And it's this commitment to growth that I think has been a savior of mine. Because I look at myself and I think where am I growing to? Who am I growing into?
Speaker 2:And I'm growing into myself at this phase, at the stage of my life, for sure, you know. And then I connect to the different archetypes and we talk a lot about, for sure, you know. And then I connect to the different archetypes and we talk a lot about archetypes, you know. And getting into the autumn of this stage of my life and you know letting the leaves fall around me and seeing the beauty of that, and then you know, coming back into my sovereignty, you know, as a queen in my own world and getting into that power. You know that I, for me, this is a real of power and knowing that I've got the elder years ahead of me and that will, that will unfurl a whole different, you know, stage of wisdom and I've done a lot of work with all of these different archetypes around the.
Speaker 2:You know we do this, don't we?
Speaker 2:That the mother, you know, the maiden, the crone, the priestess or the empress, or the you know um, the queen, and through doing that work with women and with with myself, I can see that we can all access all these different stages, no matter how old we are.
Speaker 2:So you know, I can still go into the innocent maiden if I want to and connect to her and get that spring energy and feel more lifelike and more, you know like, oh, you know, it's, it's all very, you know much more giggly, and I can get into that at times when it feels right, and I can also step into, you know, the mother and the nurturer and and all of that's available to me and it that's it always fills me with such joy because I just think we're so, we're not one dimensional, we're so deep it's interesting because, um, my children say that I'm like one of the most childlike, playful people and um, we're always, like you know, jumping out on each other or playing pranks on each other, or sometimes a song will come on and I'll just dance, um like a crazy lady, but it's joyful, it's just fun.
Speaker 1:And um, and I try to explain to them that actually, as you go through this journey of life and we were watching um Inside Out 2 and it says, you know, the thing about um being an adult is, um, the joy goes. There's just not much fun anymore and I'm like it's a lie, it's a choice and, yes, the problems do seem heavier and there are emotions that come with it that you know we've lived with pure grief and pain and sorrow and heartbreak. But because of that, then we can also really appreciate the joy and the simplicity and the abundance in life. And I think when, when you're in your teen years and going through these emotional changes that you know, um, being flooded with this estrogen does to you, you deal with in a very different way, because you haven't got all of that wisdom, whereas now it's almost like we're in the reverse of our puberty, but all of those parts of ourself are still there and I love properly having a good giggle or dancing out.
Speaker 1:I can't dance for as long or as well as I used to in my teenage years, but I'll have a good go and I don't care anymore. And I don't care if I go out the house without wearing makeup or my hair isn't looking great. I don't care about other people's opinions of me unless I really want their opinion and I ask for it and I seek it, um, and so yeah, we are part of all of that and I even can connect with my crone. You know, when I sat there crocheting and I've got my candles burning or I'm watching a documentary and I go all a little bit ragey, I can really connect to that future version of myself and it's beautiful because it's kind of like, you know, those Russian dolls where you just take all of those different layers off and actually put it all together, and I'm all of those people and I can bring out all of those cells whenever I need to, and it's beautiful for sure.
Speaker 2:And I mean, when I think about the current, I think about my grandma and she was a typical like matriarchal figure and you know, she was Irish descent, so tough Irish woman, and she would, she just basically sat in front of the fire, I think for 20 years I don't think she didn't go out very much. She sat in front of smoking cigarettes, um, drinking whiskey. She was rock hard and she, just, she just told you things straight like there was no, she absolutely loved me, you know, adored me, but she would just whatever she'd be like what are you? What's that on you? Do you like those shoes? Why are you, why have you got those calipers on your feet? And they'd be a Vivian Wood pair of really expensive boots or something you know. And she just said it as it was and it used to make me laugh. But I just would go there, knowing that I'd probably she'd just whatever, you know, say it and I'd just kind of go away and go there. You know it. Just, it was brilliant because I was.
Speaker 2:Now I'm becoming a bit I'm not quite there. I've got a long way to go till I get to her stage and yet there's a. Sometimes it's just like saying it simply to the point, and then it's not saying anything else. And I notice in myself and in the work that I do with women that there's a need to justify and explain. So we make a decision and then we're like trying to make it okay or whatever, um, you know, and the time of justification, and saying this is my thing, this is my thinking, this is why I think it, and how are you? It kind of shifts a little bit to just be like I'm just going to say it as it is, you know, no, I can't make that.
Speaker 1:Full stop silence and I think this is why being around other women is so powerful, because you can take all of those different aspects whether it's the elders, the youngest people are all around you and just say, I really love the way that you did that or, you know, actually giving them praise. I was reading something the other day that it said, um, that it's funny because when a man says, oh, you're so beautiful, you kind of like shudder. But when another woman comes up to you saying, wow, you look beautiful, or I love that outfit that you wear, it just like it lands, it's just something in that sisterhood. And so I like spent the last few years, like I said, really leaning into that. But it's also helped me to give support but also ask for help, and that's something that I never did before.
Speaker 1:And and yeah, of course, I went to my doctor to ask for help when I felt like I really needed it. That was a huge thing for me, because I would usually just pop a couple of paracetamols and come on, lucy, get on with it. But I realized I needed help and I went and got that. But also joining like different groups and talking about these experiences and being really vulnerable about this is how I'm feeling. I think I need help, or how does somebody deal with that? And the rush of support that comes back, it kind of like taught me you know why have I not been asking for help for all these years?
Speaker 2:Because women are pretty damn incredible when we get our, our circles, our groups, our, our covens, let's say all together sure, I mean, and I can honestly say that I've realized the last couple weeks that I'm actually an expert asking for help. I was the lone wolf, but I that doesn't. You know, it can be really helpful sometimes to go oh, I'm gonna go and take care of this because I'm feeling something, I'm really angry and I'm gonna go away and I'm gonna deal with that emotion because I don't want it in my system and I don't want to take it out on anyone else. You release that and you kind of come back to your center again. That can be really great work. You know, if you can do that on your own, that's amazing and sometimes we need someone to help us with it as well. But when it comes to, like, everyday life and things that are going on for me, if things are big and they feel really big and I start to feel overwhelmed, I'll think, okay, I'm feeling overwhelmed, so therefore I'm taking on a bit too much for myself right now, what, and I take care of me. And then I'll start to think who could help me with that? And I'll be like, okay, I'm going to ask that person, that person, that person, that person, knowing that not everyone can always say yes. So I don't take it personally if it's a no, but I know who my people are and most of the time it's a yes and there might be a really great reason why not sometimes, but generally people come forward and when I arrive at things now, I've got a team like they're just a team of supporters around me. It's one way shape or form and I'm not on my own. I'm not walking into situations where I feel like, oh, it's all down to me. This is like pressure, pressure, pressure.
Speaker 2:And you know, I did a day of shooting videos last week and it was a major thing and I was on camera all day and I just knew that the prep was going to be really important. So there was like two weeks of prep, people supporting on many different levels and layers and then I asked a friend to come to the actual shoot for the first two hours. And she knows me, we've worked together, she's done all my courses, she's an amazing facilitator in her own right, and just having her around me and then she was making me laugh and we did some stuff on camera together and it just felt so organic and natural and I was just like I'm so happy that I allowed myself to take someone with me. Rather than going, you go in there and do your thing, you don't need anyone to help you, and it was like I can't.
Speaker 2:Obviously she wasn't talking for me, I was on camera, um, but there was just an easier, softer kind of way of approaching it that just felt like oh, I'm giving that to myself and she's also giving this to me and I'm so grateful. And I left that and I felt so upheld and cared for and Rich brought me some lunch and brought some stuff in for me and then picked it all up and I was just like I feel loved. I feel loved and I want to feel loved. And when we kind of say I can do it all on my own, we don't let the love in and we're missing something, and sometimes it's more vulnerable than that, but we all deserve to know how amazing we are and that we're loved oh, yes, yes to that.
Speaker 1:And honestly, I don't want to do this journey on my own anymore and, um, I have been a single mum for so long now, um, and it's been the the greatest journey of my life, um, but honestly, I couldn't have done it without my, my supporters around me, and I couldn't have done it without um, yeah, with without my village and me equally being there for other women going through this, um, but now my children are going out there in the world and I'm I'm looking at this different stage.
Speaker 1:You know that, preparing for this empty nest, going through menopause, shifting who I am, all I see now is a desire for connection, for going on this future, this next 20, 30 years, whatever that looks like for me, with others.
Speaker 1:I want to do it with and in a state of being, rather than just always doing all the time. Do it with and in a state of being, rather than just always doing all the time, and giving myself permission just to snuggle on the sofa or just take a very slow walk. But if I can do it with a friend or somebody who's going to enrich my soul in whatever I need, that's what I want to do and I think that's where me asking for help during this next stage of my life is going to be really important. Um, because it's not just all about the practical things I need help with, just being just living this really rich experience. And so, yeah, that was our take, I guess, on menopause awareness month, um, we're not doctors, we're not here to tell you to take this and take that, but we just wanted to share our experiences. Um, any final words from you, karen?
Speaker 2:yeah, just go towards the things that enrich you. You know there's a song called go where the love is and it's like a really skippy, happy little song that I used to dance to women's circles and stuff, but it is it's like follow it, follow the, the breadcrumbs or the little trails of, like you know, signs that help you to feel enriched in yourself, whatever it looks like for you. You know when it feels good to follow it and and keep following it and let the other stuff go and let things out as you need to. But yeah, enrichment is the word I'm getting.
Speaker 1:And for me, my final word is just to own it, and what I mean by that is just say I am woman and it's just for me that's, that's just so liberating and powerful, and just knowing that I am woman is all I need right now. So, for all the listeners, thank you so much for going on this little journey. Um, each of us will have our own individual journeys, but join us, listen um, share. Come on to our private Facebook group and share your stories, um, because each and every one of us that contributes is supporting, guiding, helping each other until next time. Goodbye, so, thanks for listening and we can't wait to welcome you next time.
Speaker 2:Until then, use your voice, journal, speak or sing out loud. However you do it. We hope you join us in saying it's a star.