Say it Sister...
Lucy and Karen, two 40-somethings, are always chatting about life, and all that it has to throw at them, and now want to share their raw, honest conversations with you. Their journey of self-discovery and healing is something many of us can relate to. We all possess a unique power within us, but life’s trials often knock us off course. They have the tools, the courage to speak up and simply say it as it is, so you might feel seen, and understood and gain practical tools and techniques for self-discovery and personal growth during the changes we experience.
Say it Sister...
Asking for help Pt 2: Embracing Help for a Balanced Life
What happens when we shift from a life of survival to a life of thriving? Join us, Lucy and Karen, as we share our deeply personal journeys, examining the delicate dance between asking for help and truly receiving it. Karen opens up about the transformative effects of requesting support in her family, leading to a more joyful and balanced home life. Meanwhile, Lucy reflects on her corporate career, where asking for help was easy, but accepting it was a different story. Together, we explore how embracing both sides of this equation can prevent loneliness and burnout, fostering gratitude and deeper connections.
Step into a world where teamwork and personal growth are no longer at odds. We invite you to explore the evolution from a "can do" mindset to a "can be" approach, where shared responsibility and interdependence create stronger communities. Discover the rituals and practices that can guide you toward personal empowerment, allowing you to express your needs while considering others. As we move from merely surviving to truly thriving, learn how assertiveness can unlock new levels of personal development, helping you align with your highest potential and live a life filled with resilience and fulfillment.
Hello and welcome to the Say it Sister podcast.
Speaker 2:I'm Lucy and I'm Karen, and we're thrilled to have you here. Our paths crossed years ago on a shared journey of self-discovery, and what we found was an unshakable bond and a mutual desire to help others heal and live their very best lives.
Speaker 1:For years, we've had open, honest and courageous conversations, discussions that challenged us, lifted us and sometimes even brought us to tears. We want to share those conversations with you. We believe that by letting you into our world, you might find the courage to use your voice and say what really needs to be said in your own life.
Speaker 2:Whether you're a woman seeking empowerment, a self-improvement enthusiast or someone who craves thought-provoking dialogue, join us, as we promise to bring you real, unfiltered conversations that encourage self-reflection and growth.
Speaker 1:So join us as we explore, question and grow together.
Speaker 2:It's time to say say it, sister hey, it's karen here and I'm really happy to be talking about asking for help. We're going to get very practical today and we're going to take you on a really nice journey and hopefully, by the end of it, you're going to come into full circle with yourself and be ready for your next request. How are you doing, lucy?
Speaker 1:Oh, just hearing you say that, just like yeah, because I'm quite tired today. I don't know whether it's that autumn mood. It's raining outside, it's very grey and actually I just want to hibernate a little bit rather than going out and asking people for help. So it's going to be nice to just talk about it.
Speaker 2:Of course, I think the work that we do is always incredibly healing because when we go in there, we go in on a deep level and we start to talk about not just the issues but what's really happening inside of us, and I feel like that is the great navigation place, that to start with, actually to say, oh, when did I last ask for help? Who was the person and how did it go? When was the last time that you asked for help?
Speaker 1:um, I think I have a few little low risk ask for help, things that I do all the time. Um, and actually there was something within my family system where I was feeling put on all the time and a couple of weeks ago I said come on, we're all old enough here. Why is it that I'm the one who's having to do all of the chores, or the only one that's seeing the mess around? And so I said you know, I need some support, I can't keep doing it. And actually it was really lovely.
Speaker 1:We had Sunday lunch yesterday and we cooked it and then afterwards, without me even having to ask, everybody came to the kitchen and did their little bit and we actually had the music on and we made. It was fun. And I just I was so grateful I said thank you, I didn't have to ask because we contracted earlier, because I was almost, you know, burnout of having to do it all. We contracted earlier because I was almost a you know burnout of having to do it all. So I was really grateful yesterday at reminding myself that when I ask, only good things happen.
Speaker 2:Yeah it can be. It's like that filling up moment, isn't it? Because it's also about receiving. I feel like when we talk about asking for help, it's there we can get really caught up in that area of saying you know, this is not working for me and I need something and I'd like you to support me in this way. And then we've got to say, right now, I'll let you do it, so it's it's. It's one thing is asking, another thing is receiving. And I've, you know, I've just go back to my corporate.
Speaker 2:When I was in my corporate job, when I was really young, in my mid twenties, is I was very good at saying I'm feeling overwhelmed. I've got all this stuff running at the moment like multiple things, because I was I'm good at doing a lot of things at the same time. Um, but when I look back, I realized how bad I was actually receiving, receiving help, because I'd just then go back into the old behavior and just do it all myself. You know, and as I've got older, you know, life kind of teaches you some tricks, doesn't it? I've realised that I'm pretty good at it these days and actually I will receive, because I just realised that otherwise life is really lonely.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it is a strange thing when you start learning to receive, because I was going through all of these and it's kind of like a push pull energy for me, as in, I would ask for help and then I'd receive it, and then the time, uh, we were doing something, somebody would offer the help, I've got this, and then I'd be like, oh no, remember the lesson, lucy. And so when you start receiving, you have to allow, allow it to come, because otherwise the person who's trying to offer feels rejection and they stop offering after a while. So it is kind of just this energy flow that, um, yeah, if you ask for help, you need to receive it, and yeah, that gratitude piece, is it kind of like, completes the circle, doesn't?
Speaker 2:it for sure, and there's something coming up for me around this idea of you know, if you want something doing, give it to a busy person. But those people are generally also, you know, drowning in things, but they're just really great. You know, it's the swan. They're really great at showing how capable they are, how brilliant they are, how you know how much they can. You know many hands, a mother with many hands also working.
Speaker 2:You know, and it's kind of this persona that you know, is the, the outward, how we present ourselves, but underneath we can be like why, why is nobody helping me? What's going on with me? I feel like I'm going to drop something really important and the fear that sits in the system that drives us into continuing to do it is the bit that we want to look at today and actually say, oh, actually, where could somebody support me? Where do I most need help? Who could provide and how would that feel to actually really really, you know, not be the lone wolf we've talked about this before but to actually move forward in a different way. And I don't think we can address asking for help without looking at the root cause of you know what stops us from asking for help.
Speaker 1:You know what happened in our lives that almost like told us that we had to do it all ourselves and, interestingly, um, I've always been very neighborly, um, and wherever I've lived, I've always got to know my neighbors and build that mini community around me and I've got some wonderful neighbors. Um, now we actually moved in on exactly the same day, which was bizarre. And over the years we've built this lovely relationship and, uh, and a few weeks ago she, uh, she knocked on my door and said, oh, I've got a really big favor to ask. I'm like, okay, ask. And it was actually just could I look after the dog for the day? And I was like you don't have to.
Speaker 1:She was like I'm so grateful, I hate having to ask. I said, but we're friends, we're just not. We're not neighbours anymore. We've done enough of this now we are just friends. And it was just almost like this huge sigh of relief that I'd almost named it that it's not transactional, it's not like you do something for me and I do something for you. So you just reminded me of that, as you were sharing, and it comes with trust and it comes with love and all of that stuff. Whenever I'm offering help, it's always done from a good place.
Speaker 2:Yeah, when did it go wrong for you? Where did you know? I mean, you don't have to share, you can share anything. We don't have to go right into the big. It might be a small thing.
Speaker 1:But well, I do know what I think. I think there was a lot of stuff for me around when my parents split up and I was about four, four and a half years old, which was the first times that I started to realize I was almost on my own because they had so much adult stuff going on that, um, it was easier for me to learn to be the um, the capable I'm not going to cause any trouble, I'm not going to have any hissy fits or anything like that or ask for what I needed, because I could see, even at that young age I could see that they had other stuff going on. So, interestingly, I did some um secret self work and the the secret self person that I met was the little girl around that time and she. She was still locked in the cellar and she was on her own in the dark and um, and she could hear all of the stuff going on outside. But she's like I'm safe here, um, I'll come out when everything's settled and of course, life is never really settled and so and so that was really illuminating for me to go back to those very first stages.
Speaker 1:But then, equally as um, I remember I was having a really hard time at school. Uh, I think I was probably about 11 and, um, there was a bit of low-level bullying and it was quite nasty. And I said to my mum I want to change schools. Um, I need, I can't do this anymore. And she was like well, don't be ridiculous, there aren't any other schools in the neighbourhood. And just brushed it off and told me I was well stupid, you know, rather than listening to me and saying I hear you. And so I think there were lots of little moments all growing up where I almost made a bid for help and it just didn't come.
Speaker 2:So I just learnt to stop bidding.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it's that thing, isn't it? When some, when things don't change, when you speak up and then there's no shift or change, you feel like, well, what was the point of that? And it's almost like more painful, in a way, than just actually managing it and doing it yourself. It's similar because we have similar stories in that way. You know, both my parents worked full-time and I would say, you know, we need you to be good because we work full time, and so I took that on board.
Speaker 2:You know, on a deep level was like, well, that means I need to be able to care for myself, you know, and um times were different back then. You know, we were left, I think, to our own devices, much more, um, when we were younger. But yeah, I certainly did that. I would go make my own food and, you know, do different things when they were working, and um, didn't really think much of it. But I also spent a lot of time alone and on my own, and so I built this sort of well, quite capable approach to life that, well, I just do, if I want it, I'll go do it. If I want something, I'll make it happen, you know, and it's it was very much me on my own, you know, and I've I've learned the flaws of that over over time, but actually in the beginning that was how it was.
Speaker 2:And you know, also, similar to you, I was bullied at school and I was terrified for three years and, you know, I realized that I was on my own in it because it continued to happen, even though it was reported there was a change in the beginning, and then things kind of slid back and I just thought no one's going to do this for me, I'm going to have to do it myself. And so these things get hard wired in when we're very young, don't they? And then you have to sort of spend your midlife almost like repatterning yourself and saying, yeah, that worked, it was a brilliant, brilliant response and you are amazing for being so robust. However, it's not needed anymore and it's certainly not how I build my life now. And, yeah, I think when we, when we have vulnerable times as we're older, we're like I'm not doing it like that anymore. I need support.
Speaker 1:It's interesting because I wrote a book Leader X came out 2020 and it was about generational differences and some of the things that really classify our generation. You know, the 40 pluses are that we are really resilient and we're autonomous and we take personal responsibility. So all of these amazing qualities um, that, I think, because we didn't have people taking care of our emotional needs um, in the same way, um that we, you know, with the children today, we almost overcompensate, and children now are coming through who are less resilient, and so it's about finding that. You know, yes, you can be tough, but you can also be soft. Yes, you can look after yourself, but sometimes it's nice to have people look after you.
Speaker 1:And I think the work that, especially in your forties maybe it starts in your thirties is that unconditioning. It's like I'm exhausted by having to carry it all, and in my twenties I saw it as my superpower, and you know, it was also that it was those exact qualities that helped me ride up the career ladder, because I was capable. I just got on with things. If there was a problem, I didn't need anybody else's help or I built my teams to solve it, and they're the things that employers want. They want people who are strong and resilient and keep going in the face of adversity.
Speaker 1:But actually there was nobody supporting me.
Speaker 1:And I do remember when I was probably about 34, 35 and I had an amazing leader and he was at the end of his career he was just doing it as an interim job for retirement and and I actually went to him and I said I went to a meeting and nobody listened to me and I was there to, you know, present something on my subject matter and nobody listened to me or they were like scoffing it and I was the only woman in the room, but I was also significantly younger and I went, told him, um, because he asked for a debrief and and he put his like sort of like, put his hand down, and he was like right, nobody treats my members and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:He said I've got you, lucy, and I didn't ask for help, but when he provided it to me I was like I didn't know I needed that and so it's also knowing that some of these skills are really invaluable. But equally, my God, it weighs it down and if you can be the person to support or offer support to that person in their early careers or even in their later careers. It doesn't matter.
Speaker 2:Sometimes you've got to be the one to offer that, that branch to them, because they're not going to bid, or if they're anything like me, they're not going to bid, or if they're anything like me, they're not going to ask for help easily I feel like the structures in many, many spaces, as well as starting to change, even in the corporate world, you know, from the hierarchical, like top all the way down, it's becoming much more flat based, and so, you know, people are having to work almost like as um individuals, even though they might have more experience, on the same level, and they're stepping into roles like coaching to actually support and facilitate and collaborate, and it's it's becoming much more um, organic, much more rather than this is my team, this is here, we are together. It's like the communal. We is becoming more powerful, and so you know the way that we operate, the way that we work, this can do attitude. It's almost like shared out in a you know the way that we operate, the way that we work, this can do attitude. It's almost like shared out in a you know a more, I would say, feminine way, where you know everyone is kind of working together to create something that feels dynamic when everyone's got a shared responsibility. As opposed to that and I don't know how it's all going to unfold fully yet with some of the companies that I work with, because it's all very new you know you have got people who are taking more responsibility, but it definitely feels like it's being cascaded down and round. So it becomes a collective and I feel like that's a positive move in so many levels because it's this like I would always have at the top of my CV can do attitude. And now it just makes me cringe because I'm like it's the fact that I had to say it out loud and actually put it right there at the top. And that is definitely who I am.
Speaker 2:I love to create, I'm purposeful. All the time I have to spend time being unpurposeful for me to rebalance, you know. So I'm kind of on that high spectrum and at the same time I'd like a can be attitude. It's like you know what I mean. We're so programmed into like. You know it's like can be. Can you imagine putting that on the top of your CV? People will be like what are you talking about?
Speaker 2:But you know it's that element of like us as co-active coaches where we go let's get into our being place, let's get into our bodies, let's get present, and then we wrap around you know the doing around that rather than here I am doing my do. Who am I? Oh, I have no idea, because I'm so busy, you know, and you're laughing, I know you are, and but it is just right literally the opposite way around. And of course we need to be able to be and do you know, because otherwise we'd be meditating 24 7 and you know there's a place for that. But unless you're on a silent retreat but actually out in the real world, we have to be able to do so.
Speaker 2:It's almost like I think, having these conversations to reconnect it and say what taboos am I holding about asking for help?
Speaker 2:Um, what is really of service to me? You know, what can, what do I need, what am I believing about myself and who can I have conversations with? Because I've got quite good at sort of not being too, not too demanding that's not the right word but, like, my expectations have changed. So as a person, I'm a considerate helper. That's one of my sort of like roles that I play and I spent my whole life doing that and I can't I can't help it. I love to help and at the same time, I've had to sort of think if I ask for help, don't expect people to return it. I'm trying to put this in a simple way, but like I know that if I I asked four people to help me.
Speaker 2:I might get help from two people and two people might not be able to do that, and that's totally fine with me, as long as, you know, I've got a little sort of tribe of people that I go. That would be. That person would be great for that. Like, for example, I've got a shoot, a video shoot next week. So I've called on the help of my friend who's a celebrity stylist, who's helped me with my looks, so that's taken care of. My husband's going to help me with some things and I'm doing a day of rehearsing with a really good friend who's also brilliant at public speaking.
Speaker 2:So I know who those people are and I'll go in and say look, I need two hours from you, or can you just? And I make it as easy as possible for them because they're busy and they're working. But I'm quite clear about it, you know, and if someone's like I can't do it because I'm really busy, I'm like no problem, you know. So it's like I don't take it as a personal, like you didn't help me, it's more, I just feel much more easy with it and I can sort of be like okay, no problem, I'll go find somebody else, because I I, you know, I know I need help and, ultimately, if the help doesn't come, that you also have that inner resilience to know that you can do it.
Speaker 1:It's just going to be a lot harder to have to do it on your own, and so I think that's like that, that that piece where you know you don't need somebody to save you. But, my god, if somebody who's got the skills can help me or just give a bit of their time, it's going to make the journey a hell of a lot easier. And, interestingly, you're talking about our coach training way back when, um, and one of the exercises was that what can't you be with? And I think we had to have a sticker on there and my word said burden. I would hate to be a burden to anybody, and, and I also hate people who are I don't want to use the word needy, but the people who just take, take, take all the time and just expect that they're just energy zappers, and so that was the thing that I just couldn't be with, and and I've really spent a lot of time really understanding that and it was because I would never want to be a burden on anybody, and they were the things that were stopping me from ever asking for help, um, but actually it was making me incredibly lonely because I've since learned that relationship is all built on this giving and receiving and this asking for help and receiving help. That's just how communities are built. That's how um humans developed in our little villages, in our caves, whatever it was. This is just like within our dna that we need to be able to get good at this give and take.
Speaker 1:And then, um, it really came into my full mind when I was doing my mental health first aid training and it was um, that if somebody is really in crisis, all you've got to do is just go and sit next to them and say, hey, how you doing, or are you okay, or can I? Can I sit with you? And um, and that thing about me intruding because I don't want to be a burden, I don't want to interfere Actually it can save somebody's life. So it took it from that extreme of me being really isolating of myself to actually realising these give and take skills that we have actually save lives. So now I will go and I will just offer an ear, a shoulder to cry on, just to sit next to somebody. But if they really do need something big, I'll do what I can, and if I'm not the right person, I will then signpost to them to the right way, but I will still check in. Hey, did you get that thing sorted, um, is there anything else that you need? But again, if they say no, I'm fine, I'm like good, I'm glad. I trust your resilience, you, you're doing the right things.
Speaker 1:So it's a huge journey for all of us and I don't I wonder where we got disconnected from this, this give and take, because it wasn't always that way, but people were always doing it, and I do wonder whether some of it is part of this, um, this whole thing. When we started getting money uh, because before you would barter, you know I'm good at cooking and you're good at, um, milling the flour why don't we trade? And it was. It did feel a lot more community, transaction based, and as soon as we started getting money, it's almost like we just stopped asking, because it did feel like, well, I do something for you. You need to give me this in return yeah, it's a favorite thing, isn't it?
Speaker 2:it's like we were saying earlier and I was. You know, it's the way it's phrased as well when you're growing up, I think, because in our house it was like oh, can you do me a favor?
Speaker 2:it was almost like, and it felt heavy to me you know it's like I'll do this for you and you'll do this for me and um, but sometimes you can't. Actually you're not the the right person to give something and you've not, maybe you've not got the right energy at that point. So there's so much more that goes into it. I think, in terms of number one, understanding what your own personal needs are, and that includes when someone asks you for help, you know, is it available? Because if it's not available, you're giving from empty. That's actually a really dangerous thing and that's when we lead into these areas of burnout, because we just can't say no. So it's kind of a loaded space, as most of the conversations are that we have. You know, it's not a very straightforward thing and I think we're constantly having to sort of renegotiate inside ourselves and go what do I need? Who can give it to me? Um, what if I don't get any support on that? What does that? You know what I mean. Like it doesn't mean that you're not loved. Like is there's something almost like deeper that we have to do within ourselves to actually get clearer on things, but also, if someone's asking for help and we can't give it, to be able to say I wish I could help you and and I'm so sorry, right now that's not where I. I just I don't have the energy, or whatever it might be. However, have you thought about you know, so you never leave someone hanging still helping? Yes, um, and there's many, many ways that you can direct people and help people. It doesn't have to be like you know the full. You don't necessarily have to give the full thing. You may be able to give, you know five percent or five minutes, whatever it might be, and that that can be enough as well. So it's like, yeah, it's.
Speaker 2:I think for me, when I, if it's something that's a complicated, complicated request, I know I'll need to do more work on myself to get into the energy for it. So you know, I'll consider, I'll prepare for a conversation and asking for help. I wouldn't just go in and be. I just don't work like that anymore. So if it's something that feels like it's a bit of a trigger for me or I'm feeling vulnerable, then I will prepare myself for that journey and I will get into my power and I'll ask from a empowered place as opposed to a desperate place. Um, that's important for me. But there are times in life when I've asked for help and I have been desperate, you know, and I have needed help for sure. So it's not cut and dried is what I'm trying to say, and it's I think, when we understand where we are and what, how our needs are sort of placed inside of us, then we can build it in a different way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know what's coming up for you on that yeah, what was coming up for me is really interesting because, um, there's something about the gravity of what you're requesting, and so the first thing, I guess starts with being really clear on what is it you actually do need, because, especially when you're in whether it's emotional, mental, physical overload sometimes you can't see the wood for the tree. So it's really difficult. You just know you need some help, and sometimes that is all you need to say I need help, and talking to somebody, whoever it is a friend, a best friend, a coach, a therapist will just just saying the words out loud is enough to then start picking it. But if you're not at those extreme levels yet, sometimes you do know what it is specifically you need, and you might need an early night, you might need somebody to take this thing away from you temporarily or pick up a piece of work or show you how to do this in a more efficient way, so you can be really specific about asking. But equally, it's once you start being specific about what is it that I need, you're then much more likely to find the person who can give you what you need.
Speaker 1:And so, again, if you just like I need help, you might direct that request to the wrong person? Yeah, um, because they might literally not be able to take the whole of it. And then it causes a bit of like an ill feeling between both parties, because you're both feeling a bit oh, I want to help but I can't. So I think that's the first thing that comes into my mind be specific about what help do you actually need. Then you can work out who is it that can go there. And also I think there's something there about once you're really clear on that, you can understand is this too much of a favor or too much of a burden, or whatever the word is? Because if it doesn't feel fair and equitable, somebody might feel then indebted, and we don't want this feeling of indebted. So when you break it down, it is quite complex, but actually it does. All it takes is for you to have five, 10 minutes just to sit down and go through those steps.
Speaker 2:And get clear within yourself, because it's the survival piece, isn't, isn't? There's a survival bit and then there's a thriving bit, you know, and we're all programmed to survive, so we all generally work in the place of survival, but then to tip it into something that's more, more about thriving and it might be about growth. It might be about you know, the next step in your career or, um, you know, getting that promotion, getting that, you know, pay rise, that you know that you deserve, and that's not necessarily asking for help, but it sits in a different, it sits in the space of, you know, like going in and asking for what you need. So I suppose there's different levels of it, isn't there is? What we're all saying is like, you know, yeah, if obviously we all want to be thriving, we all want to be in that place, but I think when we're in survival mode, asking for help is going to sound, look like, feel different, as opposed to something that feels much more in alignment with our dreams or our hopes or our vision, which is, you know, tipping it into a higher state and whatever I'm doing.
Speaker 2:For me, it's about coming back into the present moment within my power now. So you know, in terms of practicalities. The way I tend to work with things is I'll just clear my space around me, I'll get in tune with myself on the inside, I'll say things like I ask for any negative energies or anything that's not in alignment with my highest and best good to leave now. You're not welcome here and permission is denied. And then I come back into my breath, back into that present moment, and I'll say I am powerful now. I am here now. I am, you know, my highest self now.
Speaker 2:And then I can step, you know, into that thriving state, that energetic feeling that you have on the inside of going. I can do this and I'm going to go ask, you know, I'm going to go and get my people around me, I'm going to go and take these different steps. And they might still be a little bit nervous because people can always say no. Yet there's something inside that sort of say no, but go for it. You know, give it a go, give it a try, and it's not always about getting the yes answer. It's about having the experience and taking the journey, you know, and keep believing in yourself that you are worthy of more, in a way, and taking those next steps. So, yeah, that for me, is like the highest expression and state of it, rather than coming from a lacking, you know, fearful place lacking, you know, um fearful place.
Speaker 1:I must say, having a few of those little rituals really does support me. Um, and I think a lot of people have um rituals that they do. They just don't realize that they're rituals. And so, um, before we we chatted today to record this, I said, oh, I've just been in in something, my head's really busy with something else. Can I just have 15 minutes before we come on, just because I needed to um be in in the right space to be able to have this conversation? And so I asked can I have 15 minutes? And of course, she said yes, because you got it.
Speaker 1:Um other things I do, I always light a candle. Um, I've got lots of little routines when, uh, or rituals that I do before I've got a big meeting. Or you know, I'm going into the zone of things that I do and I, again, there's certain music I like to listen to. There's. You know, I wear certain clothes. Sometimes I'll wear certain jewellery, because it just grounds me into that feeling of I've got this. It just grounds me into that feeling of I've got this, I am powerful.
Speaker 1:Now let me. Let me ask for what I need or make these requests. So, yeah, it this thing for me about asking for help. Actually it does need a little priming, it does need a little bit of work and, interestingly, during COVID, I was doing these online workshops for some young people in their early careers and the topic was around assertiveness and I had to actually just name what assertiveness is. And it is asking for what you want, what you need, and expressing how you feel, whilst also taking into consideration the wants, needs and feelings of others. And again, it's that equity and what I was finding was that people would either be overly asking and expressing without thinking about the other person, or they just wouldn't do it at all and it was just saying no. It's just about having this balance.
Speaker 2:As long as what you're asking for is done with good intentions, just do it, just go just be playful with it full permission versus responsibility for impact, which is like the whole, like leadership model for cti. You know, when you start to break it down I think most of us probably you know you take one or the other. Like you know, the full permission is harsh. It's been really hard for me. Responsibility for impact no problem, I'll take responsibility for my impact, your impact, everybody else's impact. But giving myself permission to go forth has been something I've had to learn, you know, and cultivate and grow, and I'm more in that place now so I can sort of go between the two much more easily. But yeah, I think we all have a natural preference, don't we? Where we would like to sit, but to be full rounded, to be wholehearted to be, you know, to be yin and yang grounded, to be wholehearted to be, you know, to be yin and yang. We've got to kind of learn both sides of things and then sort of judge it like what actually? What's needed now? What do I need? What's the space need? What do? What does this take? What do we need now? And then you sort of like blend it together somehow and that sounds like a perfect thing, because it never is perfect, but you know, like I think it's wherever we are strong. Let's play in the other areas as well, so that we become more rounded.
Speaker 2:And I think, for me, the essence of asking for help and receiving help is something that is like a practice, and the more we practice it it becomes a practice. You know, something that we can do more easily, and also to actually feel the benefit of receiving and going. A person really showed up for me. I was clear about what I needed, or I was not clear, and yet look what, look what happened. You know, it doesn't have to be like I have to have all my needs, like I need to know it all, I need to feel powerful, because that is sometimes true, but sometimes it isn't. But it it's the impact and what gets created from there.
Speaker 1:That is the beauty of asking and receiving help for me, and do you know what the the one area which I've always been strong on, and again, it's probably that that inner child's learned to ask for help, but not from another human.
Speaker 1:But sometimes I would just put it out there into the universe and for some it might be a prayer, it might be a mantra, it might be a spell, whatever your thing is. But every time you put it into the universe that I need help or you know I'm ready to receive, do you know what it usually arrives? So, however you practice even if it is just practicing on your own and putting it out there into the world and then building your way up, you tend to find that you do receive. Um, once you're aware and you look back and you track it back, you've probably had these gifts of help and you've received them all throughout your life. You may just not have really been aware of them. So I'm going to wrap it up now and just ask you, Karen, just to name the one bit of advice or the thing that you really want people to know about asking for help.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would say go and make your requests in the mirror to yourself. First, look into your eyes, see yourself fully. Don't look at what's going on with your face, but just look into your eyes, see yourself fully. Don't look at what's going on with your face, but just look into your eyes and just say, um, ask for what you need to yourself and feel the energy of that. And marion williamson always says you know, the prayer that she puts out is I need a miracle and I need it quick. And I love that because it's so simple and so, you know, easy to remember and so you're kind of checking in with you doing that thing, and then you can put your prayer out or your intention, whatever you want to call it your mantra, and know that something, someone will show up. So I love what you just said because it just I was like, yes, what about you?
Speaker 1:I. The one thing I want people to remember more than anything is, in my experience, and the universal experience, people actually really like to help. So don't be afraid to ask because sometimes, even if they can't give it, the fact that you've asked them actually makes them feel really good and just like, ah, they think I can help them or I've got the skills or the energy, whatever. So just remember that most people are really quite touched when you ask them for help. So with that, I'm going to just say thank you for listening. For those of you who have liked and subscribed and followed and done all you know, pushed all those buttons, we thank you Sincerely. It really does help us. And if you want to carry on the conversation, remember we do have our private facebook group where we will welcome you. So until next time, bye, bye. So thanks for listening and we can't wait to welcome you next time.
Speaker 2:Until then, use your voice, journal, speak or sing out loud. However you do it, we hope you join us in saying it's a star.