Say it Sister...
Lucy and Karen, two 40-somethings, are always chatting about life, and all that it has to throw at them, and now want to share their raw, honest conversations with you. Their journey of self-discovery and healing is something many of us can relate to. We all possess a unique power within us, but life’s trials often knock us off course. They have the tools, the courage to speak up and simply say it as it is, so you might feel seen, and understood and gain practical tools and techniques for self-discovery and personal growth during the changes we experience.
Say it Sister...
Your Anger Has a Message for You
We explore anger as a wise messenger that tells us something isn't right, showing up to inform us of injustice, boundaries crossed, or betrayal. Our podcast was born from the simmering rage that many women experience during perimenopause – anger that's been pushed down our whole lives but rises as hormones fluctuate.
• Recognising anger as information rather than something shameful or dangerous
• Developing techniques to channel anger constructively rather than destructively
• Understanding how anger often covers deeper emotions like sadness or hurt
• Learning the physical impact of suppressed anger including autoimmune issues and exhaustion
• Exploring how women historically were labelled "hysterical" for expressing natural emotions
• Discovering healthy ways to release anger through physical movement, sound, or creative expression
• Identifying the difference between reactive anger and channelling anger into passion and purpose
• Giving yourself permission to feel angry and discovering what your anger wants to tell you
When anger rises, welcome it. Give it permission to be there, listen to what it's telling you about your needs, then choose a healthy way to release it. Use the tapping points under your chin and lip to release shame about feeling angry, and ask yourself: "If anger had a voice in you right now, what would it say?"
Hello and welcome to the Say it Sister podcast.
Speaker 2:I'm Lucy and I'm Karen, and we're thrilled to have you here. Our paths crossed years ago on a shared journey of self-discovery, and what we found was an unshakable bond and a mutual desire to help others heal and live their very best lives.
Speaker 1:For years, we've had open, honest and courageous conversations, discussions that challenged us, lifted us and sometimes even brought us to tears. We want to share those conversations with you. We believe that by letting you into our world, you might find the courage to use your voice and say what really needs to be said in your own life.
Speaker 2:Whether you're a woman seeking empowerment, a self-improvement enthusiast or someone who craves thought-provoking dialogue, join us, as we promise to bring you real, unfiltered conversations that encourage self-reflection and growth.
Speaker 1:So join us as we explore, question and grow together. It's time to say Say it, sister, hey, hey, hey. Sisters, welcome back. And today it's going to be the angry Say it Sister episode.
Speaker 1:Well, well, we're talking about anger, and not something shameful or dangerous, but as a wise messenger that tells us something isn't right, an anger that shows up to inform us that there's something off, an injustice, a boundary crossed or just an unacceptable behavior, even a betrayal.
Speaker 1:And you know, we are a couple of midlife, perimenopausal women and you may not know that our podcast was born from some of that anger, some of that rage that we were feeling. And it's that anger that simmers. It's been pushed down pretty much our whole lives. We've tolerated it, but then, as our hormones go all over the place, this anger rises within us. It's kind of like when we were teenagers, except now we're a lot more regulated, you know. We have this older, wiser and more experienced outlook. We recognise the anger and the rage and we channel it in a different way, and each one of the topics that we talk about on this podcast comes from this low level anger, and so we thought we'd talk about it today, and actually the topic was brought by our wonderful Karen. So, hi Karen, what was it that made you want to talk about anger today?
Speaker 2:I'm using anger a lot and I'm working with a lot of angry women and I love I'm going to talk about anger today. I'm using anger a lot and I'm working with a lot of angry women and I love I'm going to talk about this a little bit further down the line. But for me let's get personal about it I feel like I've got this simmering anger inside me and it's a little bit like sometimes it's like a, you know, the start of the boiling kettle and other times it's extremely powerful and I think the difference for me now, as a perimenopause woman, is that I have the tools and the techniques. So, rather than being like I can't do the anger, I don't do anger, not sure what to do with that, I'll stuff it down. I don't do that. I actually take control of my anger and do something about it so I can channel it, like you said. But I also know that if I'm very angry, there are certain things that I can do to calm my system down so that I can not ignore it, still do something about it, but not from a like the kettle is like on full steam, because when I'm in that place it's really, it feels so awful in my body, because I know that I've lost control of something and actually what I really want is to make my point.
Speaker 2:So the other thing I know about anger is anger is a really it, it's a cover. So it's almost like the fog that comes across on a sunny day. You've got the sun there and you know. Then the anger comes across and then you can't see the sun anymore and it's over it. Yet underneath there's so much more, and it could be. I mean, I'll talk about myself.
Speaker 2:I definitely, when I get angry, often there is a deep sadness inside, something that really, really really goes into my heart. That is often the place where I would go to before. So when I was younger, I would go into the sadness rather than the anger and feel that, whereas now I allow myself to feel the anger and then I get to the emotions underneath because there's something happening that's far deeper than the actual anger that's happening, and when we can get to that point, we can really find out what we need. I also realise that I'm more powerful than I ever thought I was, and I also realise that I want more for myself. So that's where it takes me. What about you?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think for me, I feel it in my chest. It's like again, it's that bubbling, but it's almost like. For me it's like again it's that um bubbling, uh, but it's almost like for me it's like this fire comes up within me and the unskilled version of myself would just let it rip um, but it would never let it rip in an over where he. It would come out in um a really unhealthy way. So I would project it onto the, the people that I love the most, um, and just snap at them or end up being critical over things, because I needed to get it out.
Speaker 1:And now, like you say, we've got the skills and tools to say, ah, I'm feeling this, whether it's this um fire or this cloud coming over, and recognizing like, okay, what, what is really winding me? And a lot of it is hormonal, and so I feel like the rage and the anger comes up at certain times of the month, but it's what's beneath the surface, and I usually find out that it's something that somebody has said or done or something in conflict with myself that bubbles it up, and so then I'm able to recognise it, and what I tend to then do is do a little bit of work around, why I'm feeling that way, a bit like yourself. What's that secondary emotion that it's kind of clouding? And what generally happens then for me now in my wiser years, is that I sit with it, I might do a bit of research or go and get, do a bit of journaling and try and really focus it, and so by the time I'm able to action my anger, it's from a lot healthier place and I'm not using it on other people. I'm using it to change something.
Speaker 1:So for me, I think anger comes from conflict, and it's usually an a conflict with myself, where I haven't got the skills or the words yet to be able to express myself. So I need to do that work. And then then I'm there, I'm writing, I'm speaking, I'm doing whatever I need to do to express myself, and the heat goes out of it. So it's like more like embers burning rather than huge bonfires burning bit.
Speaker 2:So it's like more like embers burning rather than huge bonfires burning absolutely. And you know the thing is, I spent many years studying minds and I did a lot of work with an organization called water life and this was really around helping us to control what our mind was doing, because you know what it's like. You get the emotion and then you brought your saboteur is like straight in there, and if we're not able to manage that very fast sort of response because anger is so powerful, it takes over our body and our mind then gets engaged. It's like you have to do this, you have to do that, make sure they don't do that, make sure you let them know. We're in that behavioral pattern which we all have and we're out of control. We're out of our control and that's the bit where I, you know, I hate. That's why I hate that feeling, because it's like I've lost myself and that calm, steady, grounded person that I also am is she's. She means she's not in the driving seat anymore and it's not a good energy to put out into the world. So you say something angry to me. I might respond to you. Then you say something angry to me. I might respond to you. Then you say something angry to the next person and this is like a fire and it's being caught and I see it all the time and you know, if you're on the roads, you see the road rage impact on people and I have to admit, one of my trigger points is road rage. So if I get that kind of beep at me or someone you know say something to me or gives me a finger or whatever, like I, it's so hard for me to not respond to that, but I've learned how to, you know. But I can still feel that I'm there. All the emotional responses are there, my brain is telling me what to do back, but I don't and I have to go away and do my tapping, or I might shout under a pillow or punch some pillows or do whatever, because I know it's a physical experience in my body and until I move that through, it's sitting in my cells, it's sitting in my stomach, it's it's in my chest and if I really don't deal with it, it's going to impact my voice, and so that is something that I know about myself. So I was really grateful to understand, like, what my trigger points were.
Speaker 2:Um, the life shock moments that you're talking about, like I'm talking about it from a road rage perspective, like something happens that's outside of me, out of my control, and the anger is right there. And I would say anger is probably one of the most common emotions that we experience, but as women, we've been told to not show our anger, to not move from our anger, so what we do is we stuff it down and then it lives on the inside and when we get into perimenopause and our hormones do their thing, which is what they're supposed to be doing, it's awful. And I had lunch with a friend last week and she said to me I smashed my first plate this week and I was like go on, go for it. That's amazing. I said, was anyone in the house? She said no and went.
Speaker 2:Even better, you know, it's like the moments we almost have to take care of it on our own. In a way, we can have a rant to a friend, but generally that doesn't do it. I don't think. You know. It's like those moments when we go right, this is mine to own and to release, and then we do the work. So she was like I'm going to do it again. When it felt amazing, we were like laughing about it because she got past the point of the rage by smashing the plate and I was like there's many times that I've wanted to smash plates and I've not done that one yet. But I might have thrown something at a wall or something like that.
Speaker 1:But you know what I mean, and it's like what's wrong with that?
Speaker 2:as long as no one's at the other side of it, it's all good.
Speaker 1:I think there's also that that shame about it because, um, there's probably a lot of plates being smashed, um, on kitchen floors, um, and nobody talks about it, and so because we still think that that's not how good girls behave, or that's not. You know, that shows that I'm out of control, and it's not. That's actually quite a controlled way of releasing your anger, because you're not actually impacting anybody else, you're not asserting your anger on another person, and there are some really good ways to be able to release.
Speaker 2:Let me just interject on that because it's bringing up something for me about the menopause, because many, many, many centuries ago, the menopause was obviously it's linked into the moon, but it was like this idea of when women went into the menopause it was linked into like lunatics basically. So women became crazy and a lot of women got sectioned and I think that still happens, but it's on a lesser degree. So they were having all this, you know, changes on the inside, which does impact your emotions on a huge, huge level in the brain and in the body, and you don't really have the ability to know what to do about it unless you know what to do and you get support. So you had all these women, um, basically being, you know, more emotional and they thought they were losing it and so they ended up being, you know, taken to the lunatic ward they never came out.
Speaker 1:My great-grandmother never came out. She died there and for her it was, um, uh, in her post umbaby years. So you know, I suppose it would be postnatal depression now and she was sectioned for being hysterical and that was the word that was put on her admission form and, yeah, she never came out. And it's just actually really inconvenient for society to have a woman with anger, or a woman to have emotions and to openly express them, um, and yet the lunatic asylum and these words are so dangerous that it puts us into that, that shame place, because it's this isn't very long ago where, um, a man could section his wife and he could even just make it up because if she was inconveniently in the way of his life plans, um, that's what would happen and so it's, it's within my grandparents and your grandparents generation where that was happening and that is the, the stigma and the shame that sits inside, that gets passed along, and obviously we're breaking a lot of that.
Speaker 2:You know, our generation are the women that are breaking that and talking about it and saying you know, this is what we need, and becoming much more clear about the journey, which is absolutely amazing, but you know this is what we need, and becoming much more clear about the journey, which is absolutely amazing. But you know, it wasn't like that before and so this is new ground. I want to say that if we've never dealt with any of our anger, you know, up until this point, then we've got a lot of work to do and a lot of releasing to do. And you know, I remember when I was in my, my 30s, I went off to the Smoky Mountains in America and I did a training program called Way of the Warrior and it was about being your own type of warrior, like a warrior of the spirit, someone who can deal with like life's uncertainties and still respond from an open-hearted, creative place. And I did this beautiful training program and I had done a little bit of anger releasing before, which I felt deeply uncomfortable about in training rooms where it was like getting some of it out and I always really struggled because I would go almost go mute and there'd be a bit of a shutdown for me.
Speaker 2:And we were in this. We went into this room in the evening and it was getting dark and there were all these huge Native American drums, massive drums, yeah, and we stood in a circle and they started to bang these drums and people and it was about releasing the rage and it was a mixed group, men and women, and the men were kind of in fast, a lot faster than the women, and there was mats around the room and you could just go lie on a mat if you didn't want to participate or if you just needed a bit more time or if you needed time out. So you've got like 20 people releasing their rage to and this drumming's going on. It was so evocative just letting it go and it was like, if not now, when was what I kept saying to myself? And I was on this mat. I just cried and cried and I'm getting emotional. I cried and I cried and I cried and I cried and I cried and I was like I can't do this, I can't let go, I don't do anger.
Speaker 2:And then something someone came along and got hold of my hand and sort of took me into this circle where things were like happening and I was like I've not now when, I've not now when. And then it was almost like something took over me. I became like animal-like and I released it. I didn't I don't know if I went the full full force at that point, but I released it. Then I went back and I cried and this went on for an hour, screaming, shouting, crying like um. It was so incredibly intense. And I look back now and it moves me so much because I realized how hard it was for me to get into the energy of the rage that was inside me. It was, and no one was making me do it. It wasn't like I have to do this to perform, it was just really hard.
Speaker 1:I had a similar experience, even just like a couple of weeks ago at my women's circle, and, uh, and I've always thought I've been quite good at expressing my rage, um, because I, you know, I've always been quite open about saying, you know, asserting my boundaries or speaking up, uh, when something doesn't work for me. However, I was still doing it in a very controlled manner and um, yeah, we had a women's circle and the focus was anger and um, and I was probably the oldest woman in the room, um, yeah, I maybe, um, but there were a lot of women there in their 30s, etc. And so I'm like I'm gonna go all in here and I was when the music came on and I was like dancing like an idiot and I was like letting it all out and waving my arms around. I was like really exhaling my breath, um, and you know, letting out some like wolf, like sounds, you know, really getting there and actually then became contagious because the other women realized that it was safe to do it, and then, at the end of it, we were all laughing and cheering and celebrating because the intensity of the feeling was so beautiful, but we were all really held, and that's one thing that I would like to just speak to is letting out your anger and your rage.
Speaker 1:It it is a huge experience and I would always say do it where you feel safe, because there's a lot of big emotions that will come up, um, and I only could release it because I felt safe and I was in that um other place. However, there are lots of daily rituals that I do to release it, and there's nothing better than going and lobbing down a bush or, you know, cutting up wood or lighting a fire, going for a run or a walk, or writing in your journal. There are so many different ways that you can start to release it, but I think for me, the most powerful thing is letting it come out of my voice, absolutely saying the words out loud, even if it's just to me like I hate this, I'm not happy, this is unfair, um, and just letting it out. What do you?
Speaker 2:make of that. You know, the best way for me and for anyone is what I would say the simplest about, because the thing is, anger doesn't really have. I mean, it might come out as words a bit later, but the pure feeling of anger is almost like wordless. It's more noise, it's more sound. That's what I learned. Like people might be shouting no, you know, you can say no over and over, and over, and over and over again, and you can. You don't have to be screaming and shouting to do that. You can just feel the force of the no from within your body and give it the no if you want, or you can literally just make noises. I mean, for me, once I got past around quite a few rounds of no's, couldn't say that anymore. It was more like it was visceral and it was like sound, you know, and movement and just force and you can push against the wall. Let go, push against the wall, let go with a no, no, you know, you do that a few times, you're going to start your body's going to start to release it.
Speaker 2:Now, what we both did was in a safe environment and we were. You know, you you've got the safety of your own home, but obviously we're always being conscious of you need to be a little bit conscious of what's going on around you, like what's on the street, who's in the house? Um, you know, you can play loud music. Maybe that's a one way of creating a cover. I used to do it in the car a lot, because I was in the car on my own, I'd put music on be driving a lot of women do that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I'd have a good no, no, no, you know, and just keep going until I felt the release in my body that enabled me to say yes again, because the reason we're responding from that place is because we have a big no in our body. No, it might be not even happening in this moment. It could be. I'm saying no to that guy who just beat me or that woman who's just beat me and is showing aggression towards me. It could be that, or it could be that that no comes from years and years and years of no's. And that's the bit bit. And I would say get help with this. You know, if you go like I couldn't possibly do that because I was that person, I was like this is not me, I am a kind person and I don't do anger. And I see that in a lot of my clients, where they start to have an angry response and we go into the field of emotion and they're like shouldn't be getting emotion.
Speaker 1:I mean, I'm privileged, I've got such a lovely life and they get into the justification as to why they shouldn't feel the anger. I also think that there's a fear because they've never experienced it. They are completely unskilled. They're like oh, what do I do?
Speaker 2:now it's here, so they push it back down because it's scary, exactly, and they and they're not. It's not something we've been taught to manage or deal with and it's the one of the strongest emotions and I look out in the world and I see a release of anger everywhere I go and then I have to remind myself that there are two people being angry and the rest the rest of the people around are not. I went to a gig on Saturday and there was a brawl that broke out of this gig and I am not kidding you, there were 30,000 people in a football in a stadium and I think maybe about four people got into a brawl and it was the most horrific thing and like to say that it deeply affected me is not even true. I've been tapping about it ever since, um, and I was like and I have to keep saying to myself 20 000 people, four people, 20 000 people, four people. It's like.
Speaker 2:The rest of it was not like that and it was such an amazing experience and the music and everything and people were having the best time. But unfortunately, it has a bigger impact on people and it spreads out and so we have a responsibility to handle it. I think is what I want to say and if you don't know how to handle it, then you go get help. You work with an expert.
Speaker 1:I think all of us at some stage have witnessed some of that overt anger um being. You know, we see it on social media all the time. You know where people are writing down their anger and projecting it towards people they don't even know. But when you see the actual physical, violent anger out there on the streets, it does stay with you um you. You have to be able to release it. But there's a very different way that um for women in particular, how we've been taught to do anger um and it comes out in a much more passive, aggressive kind of style and it's still as equally harmful as the physical outlet which you tend to see a lot more men shown because they that's how they were taught as children. You know to get into a brawl or on the rugby pitch or whatever it is um.
Speaker 1:But with women you tend to see things like um withdrawal, so I can't deal with it. So I'm just going to withdraw from this situation. I'm going to do the whole um flight or freeze kind of response, because that's the safest way, even though they need to be able to express their anger. They might show up as perfectionism um, because I can't control these things around me. So I'm going to try and be the most perfect version of everything which is crucifying us.
Speaker 1:And we start seeing it, you know, coming through in physical body symptoms, you know, because of all the suppression when it's autoimmune, exhaustion, burnout, and I think that's that's something that a lot of women don't realize that this constant managing our anger, suppressing it, actually shows up in our bodies when it's just saying I can't do this anymore. And I know, you know this from family members where they have had major stress in their lives and they um got arthritis, an autoimmune version of arthritis, and they've had it for the rest of their lives. They've had to manage it because they've never allowed themselves to even acknowledge the pain that they went through and the anger and the injustice that happened to them absolutely so can you speak to that a little bit?
Speaker 2:I can, and I can talk about my own physical experience of things as well. Um, I, after the sexual assault I became very ill because I didn't speak about it for quite a long time. I was trying to process it myself and two months later I had about. It was like the november time. I was in bed for most of that month. It was so ill, couldn't, I was exhausted, I couldn't, I just couldn't function and I was doing stuff from my bed on my laptop and they did some bloods and my platelets were through the roof. It was extremely high and so then I got referred and it kept. They kept doing the bloods and they kept coming back really high. So I got referred to the hospital and the ward I was with. So basically they were they ended up testing me for leukemia because my platelets were so high over a consistent area of time. This went on for quite a long time actually, but once they did the bone marrow test they said it's not leukemia.
Speaker 2:I knew what it was. You know I was like. This is because I've gone into shock and the state of what's going on on the inside is so extreme. It's like I couldn't ignore it anymore. And that's when I ended up then talking about it and, you know, doing some therapy and all the rest of it, and it took me on a big, massive journey of healing. There was so much uncovering that I had to do not just around that sexual assault. There was so much that I had stuffed down and ignored that. Over time, you know, I was able to sort of deal with things and deal with it from a adult point of view.
Speaker 2:But that impact impact on my body, you know, was so, so huge and actually really terrifying, because you know, I also had a daughter a bit further down the line. So I'm going to hospital with my six month old baby, you know, being tested for leukemia. It was terrifying. Sat next to people who were having treatment for leukemia in the waiting rooms and things. It was like yeah, yeah, I mean, was I feeling? I think I was feeling a rage, a whole rage of things and range of things.
Speaker 2:At that point, um, when I became quite ill, it wasn't just anger, there was shock, there was confusion. You know it's highly disturbed on the inside. The anger came a little bit later. My platelets are still a bit off, um, but I know what. It's a new range for me, and if I go over certain point then I have to go back to the hospital. So that's the longer term impact. You know, something shifted so big inside me that it changed my blood platelet levels. We can't I don't think we can deny it anymore, and that's what I want to say to anyone who's listening, who knows that they are suppressing, ignoring. Over time this becomes, we end up having different patterns in our bodies, and so please do something about it. You know it's not okay to just ignore these strong emotions, because they will make us poorly in the end.
Speaker 1:I think we've all seen examples of women expressing their anger and I thought we could just have a quick chat about some of the ways that we've seen women channel. And when my friend found out that her husband had cheated on her, she went into an absolute rage and it was bubbling for about two weeks. She was trying to hold it together for the kids and you know, trying to do the typical woman thing and be composed. And then one day she just drank and she was like she needed just to numb it. And then I laugh because this is so untypical of her and she went and found his car and she was kicking it, she was beating it with a stick because she needed to get it out of her um, and yeah, it caused the right reaction. She didn't get into any trouble, but it started uh well, her uh ex, well, her husband at the time actually realized just how much she was deeply affected and so a whole dialogue came of it from there. But she needed to be able to release but um, and it was, like I said, so unlike her.
Speaker 1:But then I've also had another um friend who was so angry about the way that her child had been treated in a certain situation, and this was in a medical situation that she and everything she was doing she felt completely powerless about, and it was that injustice. This is not fair, this is not right, and she channeled that into opening a charity so that no other family had to go through what she was going through again, and part of that is lobbying. So she's channeled her anger in a way that is actually going to change things or at least help other people. And you know, get advice, um and other people. I know um started going to raid rooms and just smashing things, and you know they're up and down the country.
Speaker 1:And we've also got um by us, an art installation where you can go and just throw paint at the wall and create something out of it. So they're just a few of the examples where I've seen women channeling in healthy or unhealthy ways. But we've got to be honest about it women are releasing it everywhere. What examples have you got?
Speaker 2:I mean, I'm not thinking of many, to be honest, like there's not many, like I can't think of any negative ways. I probably are in there, but there's nothing coming through for me. I see a lot of trailblazing women and they, they can be with the pain point and if you work with them, they're like this is the pain point, but then they'll go away. And I think there's a lot of women out there doing this now and we are certainly doing it as well. This is the pain point, this issue, okay. So what solutions can we come up with? And also, what do we need to do for ourselves within that? Because just coming up with solutions, if you're feeling the pain point, you've not dealt with the pain point. It's still good, but it's not fully embodied. So I see more examples of that.
Speaker 2:You know women that are just like I can't stand this anymore, I have to do something, and they, they channel that and actually, underneath it, there's passion, and I always say to them you know, remember that you are really passionate, and so when your fire gets ignited, there is a deeper call for something. And use your passion, use the passion side of it instead of the rage, to move you forward. And the difference sometimes is literally about just taking some time to breathe, you know, and let that energy move through. Or push against the walls, or punch some pillows or, you know, smash a plate, because when no one's in the house, or say a round of no's, no's, you know, like we've just been saying, that can be the difference of going. I still feel like I need to do something, but I'm not doing it from a triggered point of view, because actually that energy is just getting replaced. You know, the energy goes into what we do, and so we want to shift it. So that is the one that I always go back to, because these women are really passionate.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And so we think that's where my anger goes to. It goes to a passion for a cause. I it, I channel it in a way, um. But I have to say that, um, every time I open up my phone, I seem to be confronted with another thing that is going to trigger me into my anger, because there are so many injustices in the world, and so I'm having to do a lot of that processing within myself to be able to say right, you know, I can't fix everything I can. You know, I have to be able to channel my energy into one or two things that are going to make a real difference, because otherwise, I think it just turns you into hopelessness, which even exacerbates the, the anger, because then you are feeling completely out of control. So that's some of the.
Speaker 1:The advice that I would give um is, once you, um, you recognize what's beneath that anger, try and channel it into something that you can absolutely make a difference in, um, because otherwise it will just let you, it'll just compact, and when my um youngest was about three, she got to this well, yeah, probably two or three, those terrible twos.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of anger and frustration that are coming through at those ages, which is why they have the tantrums and um, and she had this um frozen that's the cartoon character, the frozen pillow. And I said to her right, I want you to use this as your anger pillow. And so, whenever you're feeling it, I want you to go and do whatever you need to do to that pillow, whether it's scream, cry, punch it, throw it around the room, whatever you do. I said but you don't project your feelings onto other people, because it was usually me or a sister that was getting it in the neck and I've got to say that fast forward. Well, she's 17 now. She is probably the most emotionally stable human I know, because from a young age I was saying anger is good, but you need to go away and work it out over there and express it there, and when you're ready, then come back and then we'll talk about it. And they're the kind of skills that I want the all of our listeners to to know that you can have these outbursts.
Speaker 1:For me it's usually um, four non-blondes or killing in the name of uh yes, one of mine too yeah, get that on loud and dance around the kitchen and you somatically get it out of yourself and out of your, your body, process it, and then I'm like, okay, now I can come from, um, that level-headed, mature space, whereas before I was coming from the level-headed, but it wasn't mature because I still hadn't processed it, I was just suppressing it. It's a completely different edge. So, um, I'd really like you to just share one truly practical piece of advice, and not just for the perimenopausal women. You know, to all women out there what would be your greatest gift of advice right now anger's normal if we live in our world.
Speaker 2:We can't not. We cannot get away with living our lives without feeling angry. It's impossible. So every time the anger rises, give it permission, say welcome, I give you permission, and then decide what you're going to do about it. But give it permission first, because that's the that's the crucial thing.
Speaker 2:I think things get bigger when we ignore them and that's when you see it spilling out. So you know, you could call it, give it a name, um, you know, you really sort of like just tune into it a little bit and see what it wants to tell you, and I can guarantee you, if you listen to it and you get the messages you're going to be, you're going to feel a lot lighter. Number one, but it's going to give you some vital information about something that you need for yourself, because the reason it's there is because something's being compromised. So listen rather than ignore, and then decide, choose something that'll help you release it and then make a decision on what you're going to do about it. And that's my thing.
Speaker 2:And if you can do a tapping like this, is the one under the chin here, the shame point. I would say do this and get into that shame point under the lip and just tap away. I've got a nice deep breath. That just came in then. You know, so don't feel. You know it's like get rid of the shame that you're feeling, about the anger. I think that's so practical. Everyone, anyone can do that. It takes a couple of seconds and you're back.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what about you? Thank you, and before we wrap up which I'm going to let you do I just want to give a prompt um to our listeners. Really, whether it's a journal um or just a, a thought process that's going to carry around your day. But if anger had a voice in you right now, what would it say?
Speaker 2:I'm just going to leave you with that well, keep us updated on how you're getting on. Send us a message, leave us in. You know we want to hear the stories, the small stories from your own lives and, and please, please, please, stay connected to your own heart. This is the way forward, sisters.
Speaker 1:So thanks for listening, and we can't wait to welcome you next time.
Speaker 2:Until then, use your voice, journal, speak or sing out loud. However you do it, we hope you join us in saying it's a star.