Man Or Bear And Now It’s Your Husband

We sit with the shock of a widely reported online “r*pe academy” and what it reveals about drugging, consent, and the scale of misogyny online. We share personal stories, name the anger and exhaustion women carry, and get practical about safety, parenting, and what men must do to stop rape culture. 

• reacting to the reporting, the numbers, and why shock matters 
• how drugging and spiking trauma lives in the body and mind 
• why women feel unsafe even at home 
• the link between objectification, entitlement, and online grooming spaces 
• teaching consent, respect, and what healthy attraction looks like 
• parenting and digital boundaries around gaming, p*rn, and VR 
• practical due diligence, trusting instincts, and noticing relationship shifts 
• what men can do, calling out mates, intervening early, involving police 

Just tune in, listen to your instincts. 
You will know when something is safe or not. 
And if you're not sure, treat it as unsafe. 

• RAINN (USA): rainn.org
• End Violence Against Women Coalition (UK): evaw.org.uk
• Victim Support (UK): 0808 1689 111
• The Survivors Trust (UK): thesurvivorstrust.org
• National Domestic Abuse Helpline (UK): 0808 2000 247

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Transcript

Welcome And Trigger Warning

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hey sisters, it's probably the lazy but we get for another conversation. We have women happening everywhere. We want to talk about friends, dealers, others, and women. Say it, sister, speak loud about the topics and this week is a huge one. We are talking about the CNN story of the great. Therefore, we want to show you with care and love and offer you a trigger warning. We want you to feel safe to listen. So if you want to pause, skip, or revisit another time, we offer this now. We will also sign post you to organisations that can support you and share our own personal stories as well as our views.

CNN Report And The “Academy”

SPEAKER_00 0:44

So I think the word that comes up for me is shock, but no not a surprise. I had no idea that this was even a thing, like drugging your wives or your partners. I just didn't, it didn't even come into my sphere that that was possible. And I think now when we all read the headlines of um that CNN investigation, um, it was that, yeah, it's shocking that it's still happening, that it is so prevalent, but not a surprise. Um and I think the shock is that what was once hidden in the dark web is now really accessible and it's out there, and it's not really that secret amongst, I suppose, men in these channels who are going searching for this kind of content. Um, so MCNN reported on this website, um I think that yeah, motherless. I mean, you know, the name speaks for itself anyway. Um, but it's one of the many websites, dark web um chat rooms that exist. And the sheer amount of videos that are being uploaded, you know, hundreds and thousands of images and videos that were accessed. Now, I believe it was there were for 62 million views at the time of the CNN report. Now, the the next month they've got March's figures, and it's over 80 million. And do you know what? Probably because it's got some airtime, there'll be even more for April. I mean, it's just yeah, shocking. And, you know, yes, we are becoming more aware of it, but like I said, equally so are the people who are curious who want to know about this stuff. But it's more than just people viewing the these horrific videos. I think it's also the fact that you can then go and get instruction manuals, uh, people giving tips and advice, which is why it's called been named an academy. Um, but equally, there are businesses that are off the back of this, but which are actually selling the drugs and the mixtures and the cocktails that you need to be able to do this to your partners, your wives, your sisters, your mothers, your your children. It's just horrendous. And you know, that when I read that these doses were being sell sold for$175, I mean, realistically, that's not a lot of money to go and buy this and then do the most heinous of acts. Um so yeah, that's shock.

Spiked Twice And Still Haunted

No Place Feels Truly Safe

SPEAKER_01 3:37

It makes me feel sick to my core. And when I first saw it pop up, I was like, I need to sit with this for a few days. I can't, you know. I did watch something, and as soon as it showed the eye rolling to make sure that the woman is drugged, I was I cannot. It just hit me in my core of my stomach because I've had I've been drugged twice in my life, and I can honestly tell you it is the most traumatic experience when you can't speak, you can't walk. Your brain is um operating at a high level, and you've got no function in your body. And as a nearly 50 woman, I have nightmares about it all the time, and I've done so much therapy work on it, and I've done so much of my own, like you know, my tapping and things, and that really helps me, and it moves the trauma away from me, you know, in terms of my own system, but the dreams, and I know when I have them because I have different variants of dreams, and I know that the source is being drugged because it's exactly that like, am I awake, am I asleep, am I alive, and am or am I dead? And I don't know in the dream where what what's what I have no idea, and so when we when you know, I was working with my therapist at the time when I worked out that was the source, I was like, this is so much more traumatic than even. I mean, there's the trauma, and then there's the after the aftermath of the trauma. Now, what I want to say is that these men that are doing this are not gonna get away with this because that trauma, yes, they are traumatizing women, but that trauma also lives inside of them. And if we think about generational trauma and how these things get passed down the line, you know, every single human being has at some point um been in three bodies. So the grandmother that holds the mother that has the egg of future children, basically, we have this generational thing, and these things get passed down the line. And as a woman who's done a lot of healing work and also does healing work with others, I know that the generational point is huge. And so, as they're out there committing these heinous crimes, thinking they're probably they're trying to do it in a way that they can get away with it, you know, it's all about how to do it and get away with it. I can tell you now that this seed will live inside of them and it will keep them alive because if they're doing this stuff, if they're curious, they are lost souls, they have lost all sense of who they really are. That much I do know, but in terms of what it does to women, the seed of that will live on, and and and even when we do our work, let me tell you now, we can survive, we can evolve, we can have good lives, we can heal, but there is still something that sits inside us that we can't forget, and and to be honest, why should we forget? Because someone has just done the worst crime to us. Um, you know, yeah. So I want to say that, I wanna I want to put that message out there quite strongly that this isn't, you know, this isn't something to be taken lightly. As women, we know that like we've lived with we've lived with feelings unsafe all our lives in one way, shape, or another. We had stranger danger when we were kids, don't go near cars, don't speak to strangers. So as children, we we knew there was real dangers out there, and we've lived with that, and now we're in midlife and we've had our own life experiences and things have happened to us, and we're sitting here and we're watching this thing unfold, and we are angry, we're also tired of it. Like, I'm just like, this is enough now.

SPEAKER_00 7:19

Um I think the the point of the anger for me is that we've done everything we can to keep safe, and it's that whole thing that you say to your loved ones, I hope you get safe, um I hope you get home safe, or you know, safe travels, because the one place that you're supposed to feel safe is in the home, and we know that um a lot of women and children and some men are abused within the home, but this level of secrets um the egging each other on and giving tips about how to be so manipulative, this takes it to a whole other level. Um, and I think that's why we're angry because it shows that literally there is no place that we are safe. Um, and all of the things that you would normally do to keep yourself safe, well, in this this situation, other than literally staying away from men or always refusing food and drink from your partner, it's like, what else can I do to protect myself? Um, and that's why we are angry because we shouldn't need to.

Consent Education Against Toxic Culture

SPEAKER_01 8:33

And it comes down to it, you know, it comes back to that that ownership, that patriarchal ownership, where men owned women. And when you got married, you became the ownership of your husband, and the children also became the ownership of the husband. Now, obviously, we society has moved on, but now we've got this movement that's probably always been there, but now it's much more like you know, mainstream in a way that is just so prolific and so damaging. I I cannot even stress that word enough. And the thing that makes me angry is you know, 62 million downloads in one month. Now, people saying, Well, it's not 62,000 million men, I don't care if it's one man or not. Why do we have to have these shocking numbers for people to actually start to have a reaction? You know, like just L Pellico, 50 men, you know, these numbers are so scary that it gives us a visceral reaction um to the numbers because it's it's deeply shocking to us. And at the same time, you know, women have been talking about this, we've been talking about what goes on for such a long time, and no one's believed us. And now, you know, we've got the statistics, we've got the numbers, and it's showing the direction that certain parts of society are moving in, and and there's an outrage. Now, like you said before, like that that there is some hope here because it means that these numbers are so shocking that it it's creating a response and a form of action, you know. So there is something happening where we're like, Yeah, okay, you know, this is deeply, deeply shocking, deeply disturbing, and we have to move now. We cannot sit around and do nothing. So that's the other side of it that is like, you know, I mean, I even go back to I was even thinking this morning on my dog walk, like I was thinking about my own childhood, and I was thinking about going to school, and because I was curvy and developed very, very young, I knew there was danger everywhere I went. Like I felt it. I got the cat calling from the cars on the way to school. I if there were like men on the bus, they would always, always make comments. Like it just it was widespread for me. And then at school, the boys in my class, if I went to certain parts of the playground near the grass where they didn't mind, you know, like falling on top of me so they couldn't hurt themselves, they would rugby tackle me to the ground and they would all jump on top of me. And it was just because I had boobs, and then as I was walking down the corridors, you know, they'd be trying to undo my brow and what as I'm walking past. Now I never said anything. I told them to get off me, but like I didn't go to the teachers and say, I am being harassed. This went on this went on for at least two years. I didn't punch them in the face, I laughed it off. And now I look back and I just say, and I I remember that story, and I've always thought, I hope it's better for Catalina. And now I'm looking at what's going on in the world, and I'm like, now there's like a place where these guys are getting these boys are getting groomed that could potentially end up drugging, um, drugging our children later on when they become boyfriend and girlfriend. You know, it it's terrifying to think about it. And I'm as we I said to you, like, part of me is like, I'm gonna be getting up in the night, putting my pajamas on, going knocking on doors, making sure she's not drugged. You know, that's where my that's where my fight flight freeze response goes in, like action, which again isn't normal. Um, but is it? Part of me goes, actually, it is normal because if I think that's happening to her, it's gonna have a huge huge impact on me. Um what do you think, Lucy? Where do you go with that?

SPEAKER_00 12:09

So well, I'm just glad my daughter's queer. Honestly. Um, because it is terrifying. Um, that I think what we see now, well, for us it was, oh, it's because they like you. You should take it as a compliment when they're giving you crap. Um, even like you know, the wolf whistling and cat corning, oh, it was a compliment. It's like, no, it's horrible. Whereas now we know that this this behaviour is not acceptable, and so you can go to the teachers and the schools and to the other parents and say, Do you know your son is behaving this way? Um, and that it it's clear, it's like this is not acceptable behaviour. That's where things have shifted. Um, but along with that is this red pill manosphere incel community that absolutely exists, which are telling them, no, it is your right, it is your worth. And so what's happening at the moment, where people are starting to name um their abusers, or they are uh scandals or secrets are being exposed. It means that we are being educated, and that means us as parents and us as teachers, educators uh can do the work to say, you know, this is what consent looks like, this is what a red flag looks like, this is sons, how you respect a woman, this is how you look after a woman. Women are humans, they are not objects. Um, you know, you don't just talk about women based on their bodily parts and try and explain what the male gaze is uh so that they they understand it. I mean, the male gaze is something I only really came across in the last two or three years, and male and female gaze is completely different. I mean, if we'd have realized way back in the 90s when Colin Firth came out as Mr. Darcy just in a shirt, there was nothing sexual going on, but my god, for all the women, it was really sexual because that's what the female gaze is. It is about personality, it is about um the way they treat you, the the way that they honour themselves and conduct themselves, and yes, the way that they wear a shirt. Whereas for the male gaze, it is absolutely objectifying, um, honing in on body parts, and women, you know, we need to teach our sons that women are so much more than that, they are equals, and we have our own special gifts. Um, and I think there's also something there to do about um educating women about what pleasure is and how to fulfil their sexual needs, and that it's nothing to be shameful of. So there's work to be done on both sides, but I see this as being able to shift that. And once we know and we understand all this, we can never go back.

SPEAKER_01 15:15

I think as well, the thing that we need to say here is that it's now a crime in England to cat call women. Yes. If it can be proved that that it's a form of sexual harassment. Now, the proved thing is is always the bit that makes me go, ugh. But it's still a crime. So basically, you know, if a woman feels like she's been harassed, the the person doing it could face two years in prison. So that is for me, that's a slight that that's a movement in the right direction, and I'm seeing this in lots of different areas, you know, with women like women's health is improving, um, you know, safety is a major issue, and the right there is a response. So something is changing, and at the same time, there's the counter response on the other side. Um but let's celebrate that because that's a huge shift from our time. Yeah, absolutely. Because I I can honestly say that as a young woman, everybody spoke to my chest. Everybody who was a man, and I'm and I'm not just saying that, like, and and it was so tiresome for me because I just and they were just I mean it it they weren't even hiding it. People would just would just look down at my breasts and I'd be like and I also didn't acknowledge it because it was just too embarrassing for me because I was I wasn't um you know, I got more confident in my body as I got older, but I really wasn't confident in my body because I was a child still. So it it the whole thing was just the way it made me feel, and the way I can still get into those feelings of feeling sick, feeling um insecure, not knowing who I could trust, um, not knowing if people really were talking to me because they wanted to talk to me. I actually didn't even think I was attractive, I just thought all they saw was boobs. So that does that does do something over time until eventually you kind of go, fuck that. Um, you know, and you find your own way through. But you know, I I'm a strong and independent type, and I'll find my way through things. Like that's the one thing I can honestly claim about myself, where I go, this is a problem. Right, I'm gonna go do the work, I'm gonna tackle it, I'm gonna um move through it, I'm going to and I get involved with my own work and I do it, you know, and and then I transform in a different way, and it makes me um more determined in a way, but not everyone's like that, and yeah, not everyone's like that. And so for those who are struggling right now, I just want to send out, you know, almost like a message of hope to say that whatever's going on for you, whatever you're facing, there's so much that you can do about it in your own personal inner landscape.

Gaming To Porn To Grooming Links

SPEAKER_00 17:45

And this is something that I'm absolutely passionate about that every single woman that has been through something, whether it is having your boobs talked at, or whether it is actual rape um or abuse or trafficking, every woman that you you know, every time you share that story, yes, the trolls will be out there um because they want to silence us, but actually the women will support you, and this is something that I'm seeing so much as a result of this story, and when Giselle Pellico um told her story, and when um survivors of Epstein's Files started telling their story, women gather and they are forming a community and they are trying to solve this problem in the most creative ways, and sometimes it's by stitching banners and flying them over the your city, other times it's getting a protest and women's marches and uh the 4B movement and turning stellar, you know, you name it, there are so many ways that women are gathering in their little communities and joining forces and collectively saying no more. So I just wanted to just spend a moment just explaining or trying to piece together how the hell have we got to this place, and there's something that keeps coming back to me about the content that is sold to children to be consumed from a very young age, and this is beyond the good girl, you know, good boy conditioning. This is actually about priming children to be predators or prey, right from the young age. And you know, the boys are given dinosaurs and the girls are given bunny rabbits and cute toys, uh, boys are given guns, um, and girls are given prams. But it goes beyond that because when I mean, I've got two girls. My ex-husband was a proper gamer, he loved all of his computer games. Um, it was just never something I got into. And the girls used to have play on their Wii, and we used to do dance routines and you know the Olympics, so that was all great, but they were never really into computer games either. Um, so thankfully we haven't got one, and we've never since the divorce, we've never had one in the house. But my friends who have got boys who are six, seven years old have got all of the different stations, the Xboxes and whatever, the V A R, and the games that they're playing, I mean, I'll just talk Grand Theft Auto as an example. But the whole purpose is to be the top dog to rape, pillage, steal, beat up, cause destruction, avoid capture, and you think, oh, it's just a game. But actually, if little children are this is their toy, this is their game, and it's before their brains are fully formed, you know, these are six, seven, eight, nine-year-olds, even though there's a warning sign, we know that they're um they're still playing them, and then you go into the VAR world. I mean, the meta world had to be shut down because there was just, you know, kids were going into virtual reality worlds and there was gang rapes going on, or people, you know, egging people on to bully or abuse other people. Uh and this is what we're letting our children play, and they are on their own, in their bedrooms or wherever they are in the house, playing these games that we think are safe. So they're not learning social skills, they're getting a really distorted view of the world, and then they go into the stages where you know they hit puberty and they want girls to to like them, but they haven't got the skills, the confidence, they don't know how to build relationships. And here we are in 2026, where okay, we need to go and find some other bros, and this is the content that they're posting. It you can see how it's all connected, or maybe that's just me.

SPEAKER_01 21:46

Yeah, I and I hear you, and I and I never was never into that. So it was never part of my landscape, and my husband's not into it. And my ca my daughter's asked about gaming, and I'm like, no, no, no, um, that's not gonna happen. And we are really quite strict with the whole light screen thing. Um she gets an hour weekend as a treat, you know, for her, and she gets to get like she she doesn't she has a tablet that's been hidden and now she'll use my husband so we can police it. So that's where we've got to. So I cannot imagine sitting with her next to me playing these things. Like it everything in my system would be on high alert. Um and I just well, I know I wouldn't allow it. So you know, this is just not part of my world, thank God. However, the fact that it's part of people's world, I can see it.

SPEAKER_00 22:30

Oh, it's part of the children who are in her last dream's world.

SPEAKER_01 22:33

Yeah, exactly. So I can see how how that leads, you know, it's almost like the stepping stones, isn't it? It's like one thing leads to another, it leads to another. And when I told my husband about the rape academy, he said, Do you mean it's sixty-two thousand? And I said, No, it's sixty-two million, and he went, sixty-two million. And he just went silent. I said to him, Well, what do you think? Like, are you not angry? Because I'm furious. And he said, I'm really shocked. I'm really, really shocked about it. And he's not really uh he's he's someone that goes in. I mean, I go in, but then I come straight back out. But he goes in and he will just sit with and sit with and sit with. You know, he he he he's yeah, he was deeply shocked with with that one. And and again, I just think, well, the shock is a good thing, you know. Like we should be shocked by this.

SPEAKER_00 23:21

We should again it wasn't even in his feature that this kind of concept was.

SPEAKER_01 23:25

It wasn't on his landscape, it's on my landscape.

SPEAKER_00 23:27

Yeah, but that's really positive because I think a lot of this stuff comes from you know, people going to porn sites and then you click this and then you click this, and before you know it, you've gone from the nice thrill, you know, just get off and have a wank kind of material into like the next one, and the next one just gets more and more depraved because even then you get desensitized, so you have to take it to the next level, yeah. And so it's a it's a message that the guys who genuinely don't know this is out there is because they genuinely are probably the good guys. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:01

So I think what we're saying here is get your kids off gaming. Is what we're saying. I think that's the message, isn't it? I mean, we can't tell anyone what to do with their own children, but you know, if if you see like the if you see the links, then it is real time to I always say, you know, my whole whole thing is like parenting's hard work. You've got to be active, you've got to know what they're doing, you've got to educate them, you've got to talk to them about things, it explains stuff. It's really draining. Um, but it's part of our role, it's part of what we're here to do if we've got children. So yeah, I mean, I'm I've never been one to sort of turn around and ignore things. I'm more involved. Um, but we need to get involved in our children's lives, it's a simple thing.

Trust, Phone Checks, Safety Plans

SPEAKER_00 24:42

Absolutely. But I was always one of those people that had uh my phone, I've got nothing to hide on there. So my kids know my passwords and they're in and out of it all the time. Um, and even when I was in relationships, I would have nothing to hide, but I would, you know, we would respect. It's like somebody going into my handbag. I just don't like it. So there's that respect. Whereas now I'm kind of saying, actually, if you say to your partner, let me check your phone, let me set check your search history or your emails just to make me feel safe, if they're not handing it over, then that kind of gives you the alert. And I never thought I would say this, but you know, it used to be I trust you, whereas now it's like prove to me that I can trust you.

SPEAKER_01 25:25

I think, yeah, at this point, it's a really strange one because I could not imagine going to Rich and saying that to him um at all. Like it would just be really, really odd. But I'm I'm pretty sure he would go, Yeah, okay, no problem. Um because we have that sort of relationship, but I can totally see how you would want to do that actually. Like if I was going in, you know, it's almost like we had when we had um Necron and we were talking about um sex and having conversations and protection, weren't we? And you know, we were talking about that, and it feels like it's sitting in that domain a little bit now of like well if you've got a problem with wearing with with you know like protecting us both protecting each other from STDs, whatever it might be, you know, if you've got a problem with that, then I've got a problem with you, you know, and as you're getting into relationships, we kind of need to know who's getting into our bed now. So I feel like we we are entering a different time, and like you, I would have said the same thing. But if I go back to the to me before I met my husband, yeah, a hundred percent. I think I'm not quite sure how I'm behaving right now.

SPEAKER_00 26:30

This is the point though, vi this website is for people who are married, like Giselle Pellico was married and had no thoughts that her husband was doing this, and so you know, I'm single, so I can say this, you know. Um, I know I am safe, and I've met your husband, and he is a top guy. Yeah, but actually, you don't know, and that is a horrible thought that these horrible vile men, and also troublesome, lonely, whatever they are, but they have again made us think, you know, man or bear, am I safe? Can I actually trust the person I lie next to? And actually, no, we want to be able to trust our husbands or our partners. Um, but it just makes us think, is it can I trust any man?

SPEAKER_01 27:19

Um, I so I feel for you, Karen, because you know what I have to be clear here, like there's no way on this earth that that's happening in this house. And I really say that from my No, I know, I know.

SPEAKER_00 27:29

Um it's not for the other listeners because it's that education.

SPEAKER_01 27:32

Yeah, no, and at the same time, you know, if you're going on holiday with friends and there are guys in the room, um, you know, and you're sharing a house or whatever, that's which is what happened to me, by the way. You know, that friend who I thought was a friend was not a friend, he was a predator. And I found out, you know, later on, you know, that night. So this is really, really real. This is not just, oh, there's some guys out there that are like warped. You know, they're your neighbours, they're your postman. They are, they are, and so so I also want to say that because I do not want to diminish something that is, you know, genuinely happening and um it's happening in large numbers. You know, we need to know the people who we are um hanging out with, um, who are I mean, I I'm just trying to think about this, but like the idea of sharing a house with anyone that wasn't my husband now feels very, very alien to me. Um you know, if it's women, I'm fine with that. But yeah, it feels alien to me. So that there's also that place. And we know from like some of the stories with the hotel groups as well, where you know, men have got into women's rooms, pretended to be, you know, a boyfriend and they're not and rape them. So we have this whole new uh I suppose what what we're saying here is we've got a whole new level of security that's required for us now as women to do due diligence checks in a way that just would have seen it would have seemed crazy before. Like it would have been like, wow, that's crazy behaviour. Like I am someone who's very security conscious and very, very aware of things these days. I didn't used to be, but now I'm like sometimes I think, oh my god, I need to talk myself off the cliff. Um, because my thinking is is getting a little bit out of control with what could happen to me. That's based on experience. So I do my due diligence, I have my boundaries, and I also have eggs I always have exit plans and backups. So I am quite extreme with that, but I do think it's appropriate, and I think it's appropriate for all women to really take this stuff very, very serious and start questioning and being like and being suspicious and being like, right, what checks do I need? What do I need to put in place? Like, how are we doing?

What Men Must Call Out

SPEAKER_00 29:43

And I think that the the thing that sits with for me is if you have we've we've always said this on this pod that if something feels off, then it is, and you might be in a very long-term relationship with somebody, you might have been with them two years, you might have been with them 40 years, but if there's some kind of distance or shift or change um in your relationship, then it's time to start asking questions. Now, the automatic responses are is not, are they drugging me and raping me in my sleep? You know, that is it well, I hope it's still very rare, but it's the opportunity to be able to ask the questions, what's going on in our relationship? There's distance, uh, or um, you know, there's no intimacy between us, or he's getting angry, or I feel like I am um resenting him. It's just all signals that something in the relationship is not right because I am absolutely sure that none of these people viewing this content are happy and secure in their relationship, and their other partners might not know that this is happening to them, but they absolutely know that there is something off in the relationship somehow, and that is not to blame them in any way, it's just to say actually, as women, we've got these signals and we we know when something's a bit off. But before we end the the um the pod because we're coming back for a part two, I did want to just say, like, we've talked about women of what women can do to check ourselves, make sure that we're looking for the exits, trust our gut, make sure we get home safely, all of those things. But I just want to talk to what can the boys do, what can the men do um to stop people raping people? It's as simple as that. How do I stop my mates from raping people? And I think we need to just normalise it that you know, instead of saying, Hope you get home safe, it's like I hope you don't rape anybody on the way home. Just it seems ridiculous, but we almost need to just have the gumption just to call it out. Or when you that a bloke is being creepy or gropey in a club or at work, you just say, Man, that is not acceptable. Stop being creepy, rather than hey man, that's not cool. No, just be angry. What what advice have you got?

SPEAKER_01 32:10

Well, if you think that someone's gonna do something, call the police. Yeah, I mean, yeah, do you know what I mean? I mean, we we realistically, if if you're like, oh, you know, I mean, I was I posted something yesterday, it was Charlie Thiron, and she was talking about how her mother murdered her father because he tried to kill them with guns. Like he got I don't think it was really murder, I think that was self-defense. Self-defense, but you know, she said killed him. My she said my you know, my my dad killed my you know, my mum killed my dad. Um you know, and it's that kind of thing, isn't it? And and he'd been drinking with his brother who lived on the same street. Now, why didn't the brother say you are not going home tonight because you are not in the right place, you are not in a fit state, you're staying here with me, you know. So there's always that kind of thing for me where I just go, you know what, guys, take care of each other, take care of yourselves, and in doing so, you take care of us. Um there's a bigger message because I feel like the signs are always there, like the the signs that somebody is not in their right mind and is going is going to do something. It's there for people to see, and people are very, very good at turning the other cheek, and that has happened to me so many times where I've just thought, I knew something, I named it, everybody carried on, and then something happened. Yeah, um, you know, it it feels extreme to say I'm leaving this place or I'm calling the police. It feels really, really extreme because you're you're kind of going with your instincts and you're thinking, Well, something might not happen, but often things do, and so is that awareness.

Instincts, Action And Part Two

SPEAKER_00 33:44

When you see your your children being disrespectful or maybe being mean to another child, especially if it is a boy doing it to their mother or their sister or their friends, you call them out on it and just say, You do not talk to your mother like that. That is disrespectful. That is the love of my life. I will not allow you to talk to her in that way. Or why have you spoken to that person in that way? I will not have mean children or bullies as for my children. That is unacceptable. Rather than saying, oh, it's cuz because he likes uh or oh, boys will be boys. No, be a parent and call out the behaviour because when they see you role modelling good positive behaviours, they will want to be, they adore their parents, all children adore their parents, they want to be like you, and that also then comes back down to dads. How you treat your partner absolutely gives your children the lessons on how to partner women, and even whether you're together with them or not, whether it's a um blended family, who whatever, the way you talk about your partner, the way that you treat them with respect, the way that you talk about them in front of your children absolutely teaches your children how to be an adult. Um, so yeah, I think we've got, you know, if you see something that's gonna cause danger, call it out, call the police, um, don't be a bystander, do something. Raise your kids to respect other human beings and absolutely not objectify, bully, or be mean. Um the very, you know, basics. And then, of course, the other one was um treat your partner, treat other people with respect, and your children will do. And now I'm gonna hand over to you, Karen, uh, because we've got so much to say. We are gonna do a part two coming out next week, but for today it's over to you to close.

SPEAKER_01 35:44

Just tune in, listen to your instincts. You will know when something is safe or not. And if you're not sure, treat it as unsafe. We have the wisdom, we have the inner knowing, and we have the experiences to know. So we listen to that above everything else, and we take action. Signing off simply to say you matter, your safety matters. Treat it with respect. And if others don't, take action. We love you, thank you for listening. Let's keep saying it, sister. This these conversations really, truly matter.