Unmasking: Midlife Teaches Us To Stop Performing And Start Living

We come home from a night of music and sisterhood and use it to explore why women mask, how safety changes what we show, and what it means to unmask without oversharing. We talk honestly about perimenopause, grief, identity shifts, and the liberation that can arrive when we start choosing ourselves first. 
• the energy of women coming together and why it feels safer 
• what masking looks like at work, at home, and in social settings 
• how people pleasing and the good girl identity shape behaviour 
• boundaries, social batteries, and learning to honour a real no 
• perimenopause as a decade of questioning, grief, and change 
• the wisdom and stability that can follow menopause 
• discernment, choosing when to mask and when to be vulnerable 
• advice for younger women on staying connected to their essence 
And remember, if you love what you're hearing, please like, share, comment, and help us reach more women. 

Send us a comment, ask a question, or suggest a topic. We would love to hear from you

Transcript

Welcome And Why Sisterhood Matters

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome! Say It Sister is a podcast hosted by Karen and Lucy. Focused on honest conversations about women's lives, midlife, healing, and proclaiming our voices and power. We gather every week to share our thoughts and wisdom. And remember, if you love what you're hearing, please like, share, comment, and help us reach more women. Because that is how Sisterhood works. Women supporting other women.

SPEAKER_01 0:25

Yes, we want more women to come and join the conversation so we can listen, learn, and create a shift and change

Take That Night And Women’s Energy

SPEAKER_01 0:33

together. And this week's topic of conversation has been prompted by an awareness Karen has been noticing. Now she's coming straight from watching Take That, so I want to hear all about that. And what is it that prompted this topic and introduce it for us?

SPEAKER_00 0:52

Oh well, first and foremost, take that. How amazing was that? You know, just really having that time. I first watched them when I was 18 in Manchester, and I was at you my first year at university, and I remember going to see them and you know, just having such an amazing time, and then to go back at 50 and see them, and like the three of them left, but my god, they were having the best time on that stage, and you could see the emotion, and I think that's the thing, isn't it? You know, they've had this longevity career with some bits and bobs in the middle, and then the emotion in their eyes that was the most moving part for me, and then watching thousands and thousands of women, you know, come together, singing, hugging, it was all about celebration, and it was electrifying. And I think there was no trouble, there was no issues there, it was just wonderful. I I've been to other gigs before, and and you know, it was mainly women, and it just you can just feel the energy is different.

Why We Wear Masks Every Day

SPEAKER_00 1:46

Um, and I just thought it'd be really good for us to come back together and to talk about, you know, honest conversations and unmasking because let's face it, most of us have been um conditioned to wear a mask, to play the game, to, you know, almost like box ourselves. It's like walking around with the straitjacket on, you know, and we're all quite rigid and stiff because we are like wondering how people are perceiving us, and um, are we saying the right thing? Are we doing the right thing? Are we being too much, or are we not being enough? You know, are we are we do we need to push ourselves forward or do we need to back off? And it's this constant questioning and this constant um wondering how other people other people perceive us that makes us wear the masks. And whil sometimes it's healthy to wear a mask because we need to to protect ourselves, not as a everyday thing. So, what about you, Lucy? Where do you go when you think about unmasking?

SPEAKER_01 2:44

Uh so I had a conversation uh just yesterday with a 36-year-old mum of a nine-year-old girl who said she's starting to feel really confident in herself and um that she was like she felt happy and also um that yeah, she started to feel confident in her skin, and it reminded me of when I was 36 because that was when I actually uh decided to go out on my own, retrain as a coach, uh start my own business. I thought, yeah, there is a confidence that comes around that time, um, yeah, your mid to late 30s. But then I also had this feeling of uh you have no idea what's coming. Uh, because yes, I felt like I had this inner confidence, but I was also still wearing, well, yes, I probably was wearing some masks. Um, but what was to come next over the next 10 years was quite brutal because the perimenopause hit. And then I started questioning, well, actually, who am I? Am I on the right path? Why am I wearing these clothes? Am I trying to fit in? Why am I saying yes to things that I want to say no to? Um, and you know, on the other side of that, which I'm just starting to come uh into, um, I'm also feeling more connected to that inner child version of me before all of the social conditioning and her pure essence than any time in my life. But I had to go through this complete questioning. So it is a really unique 10 years of our lives, isn't it? Where we we basically have to go deep and dark and unravel and question everything. Um, so that's where I go with it because I now see really clearly all of the masks that I had to wear for whatever reason, but I also now feel how uncomfortable it is when I actually put a mask on. Yeah. Um, and I I understand why I do it, but then I'm like, oh, that felt horrible. I can't wait to get home or be with my people so I can just be me again. That's where I go with

Roles, Safety And Social Armour

SPEAKER_01 4:49

this.

SPEAKER_00 4:49

Yeah, and we all know that there is a a role that we are taught to play. You know, we put the different hats on and the masks as we figure out who we are and how we exist in society, like where do we fit in, where do we belong? And sometimes if we don't feel like we belong, then that's when we have to wear the mask. And we know there's like, you know, when we go to work, there might be a certain part of us that we show, um, but when we go home, we have another side that we adopt, and we're constantly sort of moving in between from one to the next. And I feel like there comes a point in time in midlife when you start to realise that the armour that we're wearing, the mask that we're wearing, it's not ours, it's actually been given to us, and we've learned how to survive with these masks on. Um, and we're always trying to understand context. I mean, I don't know about you, but I'm always like, you know, I'm having my experience, I'm living my life, um, I've got lots of, you know, I've got a back catalogue, shall we say, of experiences, tools, stories, and then I have to adapt myself to think, well, I'm not this is a work, I might take that, this is a work capacity for me. I'm there with Canis Menow as an ambassador. So I'm in a work context, but in a very social setting. And so there's a part of me that's like, okay, so I so I'm now work Karen, I'm professional Karen. So there's a there's a certain performance that comes with that. Um, you know, and and then once I sort of feel safer, it's like, okay, I'll show a little bit more of me now because I'm here and it's a concert, and everybody's sort of, you know, there's always that uncomfortableness at the beginning where everybody's very, very sort of um professional, and then as the night goes on, things tend to slip a little bit, and you start to see people coming more out and more forward because they feel safe. But without that, you know, like without the safety, we just stay in the we stay in the armour, we stay in the mask, and there's a there's many reasons for that. So that's what I wanted to say, and it was interesting for me to go to take that and sort of see that sort of side of me in a community of women, some that I knew, some I didn't know at all. I met a load of new people, and everybody's sort of trying to feel their way through that, you know, as to what they would show and say and allow. So it was interesting.

SPEAKER_01 6:58

Yeah, it's it is fascinating because um I think me of old would have probably used alcohol to um help me unmask or be um less socially awkward. Um whereas now I don't really drink at all. Um, or if I do, it's maybe one glass, maybe two at a push over a whole night. So now it's just all me that I uh I have to deal with. But I usually find now I'm the one who probably starts taking the mask down first to then give other women permission to as well. So I might just slip in a little uh swear word from time to time, or I might be the first one to actually start dancing just to encourage. I don't go full mad, I just like let that uh mask drop a little bit, and then what usually happens is because I've taken the lead, other women are like, oh, it's okay to do that. Um and then by again, like you say, by a certain point in the evening, everyone is just relaxing and being themselves and laughing and singing, and it's it's such a beautiful experience because actually there's nowhere safer really than predominantly women's spaces, yeah. Um, because there would have been loads of blokes there too. Um, but when the majority actually when it's female coded, yeah, um, so you just you just know the rules around here of uh it's a girl's night out, everything shifts, and I I find that very easy to be around. Uh whereas teenage me would not have felt comfortable with that because there was a whole other mask I was wearing then.

SPEAKER_00 8:33

Yeah, and it was interesting because I was actually having conversations with women there saying, because you could see who were the extroverts and who were the introverts. I sit in the middle, you know, but I do need to feel like if I'm out and I'm very, very extrovert, that's normally a mask.

unknown 8:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:49

Because I'm much more sort of in the middle somewhere, and I can do both. I can pull in and I can come out, and I can and I'm you know, but I'm always sort of like this is where the second guessing can happen. But I noticed there was quite a few of the women were more on the introverted, and they were much more sort of like holding back. And I had conversations with them, you know, and they were saying, Oh, this isn't really my natural thing, you know. I'm not normally um surrounded by so many people who are so extrovert, and it was it's just interesting because I feel like we're all probably doing that dance somewhere along the line as to where we fit, you know, and and and what we need to overcome within ourselves to be part of the the journey, really, because some people might need to pull in a bit more and others need to come back out. Like I certainly have to work at being out these days, it's not it's not natural for me to do that, so it does take me a bit of time to warm up, and then then I'm good.

Good Girl Conditioning And Boundaries

SPEAKER_00 9:39

Um I was thinking about being, you know, how as girls we're taught to be we're taught to please with is this idea of perfectionism or waiting for the perfect time, which I see a lot, and then the harmonising, which we've talked about, but I think the words that I heard the most as a as a child was good. I heard that word a lot. Yeah, the good girl. And if I wasn't called Karen, I could have been called good girl as a little girl, because I really took it on, and then of course, there's the alternative flick, you know, you flick the switch as you get older and you go, Well, actually, I don't want to be good anymore, I'm gonna be the bad girl. And then that's still a mask, and then you go into that.

SPEAKER_01 10:17

But there was no middle ground, was there? You're either the rebellion bad girl or you were the good girl, uh, because actually being normal, just being yourself, was not an option.

SPEAKER_00 10:26

Exactly. And it's that idea of like, how would it be to just be in the moment and to know that you have all these different parts of you, and actually you can pull on what's needed in the moment for yourself, and you can trust that there might be times when you're like, actually, no, I'm gonna toe the line on this because it's um because this is what I want to do, and I'm gonna follow that. Or actually, no, I don't agree with that. I'm gonna be a re rebel in this and I'm gonna challenge it and I'm gonna say no, you know, and that feels like the right thing to do, and perhaps there's the quiet space in the middle that's much more like, actually, I don't need to get involved in this, I'm just going to sort of withdraw.

SPEAKER_01 10:59

Um this weekend I had an experience of that because um I am the extrovert, um, but I also know that when my social battery is gone, it's gone. And um, and I was around at a friend's we uh that the idea was to put the screen on outside, watch the football. Um, and I went round there about it, it was probably about six o'clock, the hot tub was there, so got him there, and I said, just to let you know, um, I have no intention of watching the football. Um, I haven't watched a single match yet, um, but I'm fully present. And so uh we did that, and I was gonna have a few drinks, and actually, after two glasses, I got to the stage and I'm like, I don't want to drink anymore. So I didn't, and I was almost bucking the trend of everybody else, and they were like, Oh, you'll stay later, won't you? And I'm like, No, it's 10 o'clock, I'm I'm leaving now. And um yeah, even like five years ago, I think I'd have carried on the mask and said, No, keep going, keep drinking through it, whatever. Whereas now I'm just like, no, I I can't be anything but real. I've been with you for four hours, you've had an amazing time, uh, but my social battery is drained, I'm drained. Um, and for me that's really liberating. But now, bit by bit, everybody around me is just getting it. They know that actually, when Lucy says no, she means no, or if she says she's going at 10, she honours her words, and I think that's the most powerful thing that I've learned about getting older. I used to think the good girl was pleasing everybody, and so I'd spend so much time trying to make sure everybody around me was happy or happy with me in the way I acted. Now I'm older, I'm like actually when I advocate for myself, nobody's really offended. But isn't that who really cares that much?

SPEAKER_00 12:38

Once you've got through the uncomfortable parts, though, that's the gift of midlife. I do believe that solidly because there are times when you when we've got to go a little bit beyond that point, you know, where it's like, oh, this is really uncomfortable. Um, but I'm gonna go there because there's something that I'm going for, and so we have there's a stretch point, and then there are other times when it's just like it's just an absolute no, and I'm not gonna stretch at all. I'm just going to pull in and just be true to myself. And I think we midlife for me has definitely made the decision making easier because I just I just think I haven't got the ability to you know, I'm tired, you know. When I the same as you, when I'm tired, I'm tired, when I'm done, I'm done. Um I have quite a long shelf life, so I can go for a while, but it always comes back to the same point of going, actually, this is a definite no, and I know that and I know that feeling in my body, and I've learned to trust it, and um I'm grateful for that because I think that you know when when we start to get low on estrogen, even though we can, you know, take the supplements, get the HRT, it isn't the same. Like it's just not the same. We're not like we were when we were younger, where we had like multiple energies, and you know, we could go and we could even stay up all night and still, you know, all of that sort of side of us has gone, and there is always a hangover for me, even if I'm not drinking. Like I'm still feeling the effort. The end, you know, Friday was late, I didn't get in till like one in the morning because I had to get home, and I can feel the stress the stress in my voice today. Um, it's gonna take me a few more days to get back into me, and I'm aware of that, and I've got no desire to want to push through too much, you know, for the next few days.

SPEAKER_01 14:14

Us in our twenties and thirties, we would have pushed through, we would have just carried on all night, and then we'd have shown up performing. Um, because even like if you were out heavily partying the night before, well, you didn't want to be seen as weak and saying, I've got a hangover or I'm tired, you just like get a can of Pro Plus um and maybe uh a McDonald's hash brown, and you just keep powering through uh because it was almost like the mask of uh superwoman, um, party girl, keep pushing ambitious, and but actually inside you were absolutely dying, but you you dead miss it, and I'm so glad I've outgrown that part of my life.

SPEAKER_00 14:53

Yeah, and it's the impact of uh of what's going on in our body, our brain, and our journeys that does change us in a way. Like we're still the same in our core, but we are different and we're we are evolving and we're growing, and like there's a I feel like there's just this sort of like marker that gets put down where you go, because of all of that, I'm gonna give myself permission to you know say no to that, get home, leave at 10 o'clock, because I know that's really, really what I need. And actually, it's not even a basic need, it's more of a like longing. Like it we go past the needs point because I think it starts as I've got a need, and then that need sort of goes, actually, it's deeper than that. I've actually got a deep, deep longing to get home, get in my bed, you know, snuggle down and feel like I can just let go of the day. And for me, that longing of getting into bed is actually really strong. It's my favourite place. And when I was in London, I I took my mum down to London with me, and it took me ages to get out of the concert venue and to get back. That's why I was so late going home back to the hotel, and my mum, and all I could think about was my was seeing my mum when I got back. And I'm 50, and I just thought, oh my god, I really want my mum in this moment, and there she's gonna be there at the hotel, and it was so lovely because I got to spend the next day with her, and I just thought, you know, this is actually what I'm really longing for. Yeah, weirdly enough.

SPEAKER_01 16:18

It's funny because I think during your 20s and 30s, you uh have FOMO, the fear of missing out, and then you get to our age, and it's actually Jomo, the joy of missing out. It's like, yes, that's been cancelled, or yes, I I get to go home early. Um, and it's like you know, we we've got our our measure, we've got what we needed from that situation, um, and then we leave. And it is, you know, to the things that we really appreciate, and I think that's something that needs celebrating. But

When Your Forties Feel Brutal

SPEAKER_01 16:47

I do want to come on to the the topic of what goes on in the in your 40s because I remember hearing life begins at 40, but actually it was complete opposite. Um, it's almost like life stood still in my 40s. Um, but I know for you that midlife renewal, it was brutal. Um and yeah, I just wanted to hear your version of that decade, but why it was necessary for you to come through and be able to appreciate the joy of everything now.

SPEAKER_00 17:18

Well, I think because I delayed everything, you know what I mean? Like I was out with a huge career and living life to the full and travelling, and so I had responsibilities, but I didn't have a family, and so I was a bit like a female Peter Pan in a way. Like I wanted all those things, but I just couldn't quite. And it and like it's interesting because I got this card today, and it's you have to let go of the old to get the new, and you know, I knew that. So then in my sort of like as I got to 40, I'd already begun the process of letting go. So there'd been the build-up to that, and then I met my husband. Um, and then my whole life just changed, and obviously, when I became pregnant again, in I was 42, baby at 43, everything going on with perimenopause, um, you know, PTSD due to all so many things happened, and loss of friendships. I was like, oh my god, you know, like this is how much actually, as as I've said to you m many times, I don't think I'm gonna ever get out of this. Like, I felt like I was so trapped in the pit of despair in a way, even though there was joy and love there, because there was there was loads of that, but the actual anxiety level, the PTSD, was so strong, and the fear that I was in, and then the grief that I was feeling as well. And I think we don't talk about grief enough, and I think this is a separate podcast, where the grieving that happens when we get to our to sort of key life stages where we've moved like through the gate into the next phase, but perhaps we haven't dealt with some things from before as well, and then life starts to happen because it's giving us the lessons to wake us up. I do believe that, and it's for our highest interest, so we've got to do the work, and then it's almost like holy shit, like, and now who am I? Because I'm in this deep grief, um, and there's anxiety here as well. So it's like I'm in the deep grief and sadness, and I'm also highly anxious, you know, like which what the hell is happening? Um, and our hormones, you know, are doing their thing as well. So for me, I was just like, and I had a baby, I was like, Oh my god, please tell me that this isn't now gonna be it forever. And luckily for me, I knew enough brilliant people who would say to me, Not on my watch, not on my watch, I believe in you, um, you're gonna come through this and it'll be even better than before. But when you're in it, and perimenopause is seven to ten years, it's like if you've just gone into perimenopause and you're starting to see and you're starting to wobble, and you think seven to ten years, like I understand why women um will do anything to get out of that, you know, and and why they're quitting jobs and you know, quitting relationships, because you're like, well, if I deal with that thing, at least that's one less thing that I have to deal with. And so it makes total sense why we get into that. Let's get rid of that, get rid of that, get rid of that, get rid of that, because we just can't handle with the immediates of what's going on.

SPEAKER_01 20:13

Yeah, so I'd say there's a couple of things that are going on there because um for some it is uh a case of a life stage hormonal reaction where I want to blow up my life because I can't cope with any of this. But for a lot of women, I think there's also a case of they go into the cocoon, they go into these darker places where nothing's giving you joy, you don't know, you don't recognize yourself, you see the wrinkles, you see the um meno belly appearing, um, you start getting aches and pains, uh, you start having different relationships with different people, you start looking at the world and just thinking, hang on, I'm not the crazy one, everybody else is, you know, and you start getting all these moments of clarity, and that's when you think, I don't want to do this job anymore. Or unless this relationship changes in a meaningful way, I don't think I can invest any more time. So I think it's um, yeah, there are some major life changes, but I think this is part of that life begins at 40, or I'm gonna say 50 now, because it's the stage where we start questioning with the same curiosity that we had when we were maybe four or five years old about well, what can I be when I grow up and what kind of relationship go I want and who are my friends? And I can dance and I can sing and I can paint and I can also do all these amazing things. I think that comes into its own. But because we have so many responsibilities and we've been wearing all these different masks for so long, it's it's really hard because you have to question who am I really? Yeah, and it's the loss of belief I'm holding, or or you know, am I ready to let go and grieve that? I think that's an important word.

SPEAKER_00 21:51

It is, and it's

Liberation After Menopause And Self Trust

SPEAKER_00 21:52

the loss of identity, you know, and and we see it where women have like left big jobs as well because they're just like I can't keep all this rolling, and then there's this loss of identity. identity of like, well if I'm not if I'm not and I did go through a level of this but actually I was just ready so it wasn't that that part of leaving my old career behind was was fine. Like I just walked out the door and I just knew I was done and then I was opening up to something different. So that was an easy transition but some women get really really stuck in that phase and they're like well if I'm not busy all the time with my work then who am I? Then I'm not of any purpose and I'm not you know it's probably the old school masculine you know approach for men like when they retire that's when they tend to sort of get really ill and some of them die you know um yeah or the the midlife crisis where they all go and buy a Porsche or a motorbike and get tattoos.

SPEAKER_01 22:40

Yeah it's yeah exactly it's it's that kind of mindset it's like something's got to give but what I've found with both of you and I and everybody else our peer age group when they reach either towards the end of perimenopause or they you know go over to the other side in their 50s where they uh yeah reach menopause there's this this liberation that comes um because they've craved for deeper relationships that intimacy with themselves as well as other people honest relationships and they don't want any of this um you know surface level connection and so they demand more they expect more they ask for more and that makes them powerful beyond measure because they know who they are they're unapologetically themselves um and they choose themselves first and often for the first time ever and it's just beautiful it feel to me it feels like a leveling out and I don't really like the idea of that because I do like the like you know like to be passionate and big and bold like leveling out feels very much like flatline but it doesn't it's not how it feels on the button inside my body.

SPEAKER_00 23:46

Inside my body it feels stable and it feels grounded. I've never felt more powerful yeah so it it leveling out's probably not the word um but it's it's that idea of just like it is definitely powerful but it's like powerful from a deeper place and it's it there's a lot of it feels like there's a lot of measuring going on on the inside but I'm not having excuse my throat I'm not having to work so hard at that and I think the re you know in the if I look back to my my past I think I I've always had to work really hard to be level and to be balanced even though I'm naturally quite a balancer um because of life and because of the conditioning and because of the way we live our lives so now I'm like it's almost like I've become it's I'm unconscious with it and that and I mean that in a positive way like I I've got a level of competent competency that is unconscious because it feels natural as opposed to working hard to be competent but being so incredibly conscious of it and aware of it and having to work so hard at it all the time all the time all the time like you know am I regulated you know now it's much more like actually no I know when I'm unregulated fast too so I can take care of myself whereas before it was just a sea of like oh well I you know I don't even think I was that connected to my body to know um necessarily I I just was working on such a high level of stress all the time that it was hard to recognise what was excitement and what was genuine stress.

SPEAKER_01 25:13

Yeah or adrenaline or dopamine just you know chasing after that um rather than just actually this is this just feels good.

SPEAKER_00 25:21

Yeah this is what good contentment feels like and it and then now I need to rest because there's been a lot of output you know and that's good too because that's when I then come back stronger and I knew that in my 40s but still was beating myself up about it you know still on my case and being like the permission bit and the holding ourselves in compassion and being like give yourself some compassion because this is bloody hard and the bit that we bring into our you know our work with women it's like you know like hold yourself in compassion like and when women tell us their stories and they tell us like how they're blaming themselves for things and when we actually hear it in full you're like I don't hear any this is not your fault actually um can we hold you in compassion with that because this is something that is outside of your control on so many levels and I think that's really really important and as coaches that's what we do and then we have to also hold ourselves in that space as well and that is what where I've got to when I've got to this sort of like you know this new chapter I'm like yeah I I I actually am really kind to myself not every day but most days I'd say you know yeah I'd say most days I'm kind to myself and then I have some blips in the middle. What about

Using Masks With Discernment

SPEAKER_00 26:35

you?

SPEAKER_01 26:35

Because you're human you're just human um well I think there's something about um well the name of our company Wise Women Lead I think there's something about this wisdom that you get as you start emerging through the these this decade and you start coming out the other side because there is this inner wisdom that comes with it of like again I know who I am I know the stories that I've told myself or how all of the things in my life the patterns what what they all mean uh or at least I'm starting to understand um and it's having that discernment to say do you know what right now I do need a mask uh because I am going to a business meeting so I need to wear something that looks like that and I need to make sure I've got makeup on uh other times it might be you know I'm going to a more intimate venue so I know that I need to put the mask on and behave in a certain way and filter myself and I think that is that discernment is really powerful because you're consciously doing it whereas I think in your 20s and 30s you're unconsciously putting masks on you don't even then recognise who you are so for a start unmasking is not being like um fully present and open and completely exposing who you are all the time to people just as masking isn't um a negative thing that you should be ashamed of it's actually about yeah being conscious about right now I need to take my mask off and be a bit more vulnerable in myself now I need to put it on just as a layer of protection and it's that discernment of knowing when and with who absolutely and this is something that I did learn in my 40s you know and also as I started to look at the mask I was like oh gosh there's many different masks and I realise that there's the mask that I wear when I want people to see me in a certain way like see me as professional see me as um someone who knows what she's doing see me as grounded so that is something that I wear now underneath that there is another mask that's like don't see me as stressed don't see me as PTSD don't see me in that way this is just one example. But then underneath that is that really core higher self that's very much like you know how to evolve through this you've got the wisdom you know that's why we talk about wisdom all the time because it's so much deeper than any mask and knowing know who you are know that you're capable know that you'll know what to do and know that you're brilliant in challenging scenarios so therefore you can handle whatever comes like that's where I think that power comes from like when you know this you have this wisdom you have that knowledge within yourself so I think that's where the power comes from because like I can do this and I've done things like this before and I can do them well and I will survive and actually I'll learn something along the way and it kind of gets to the the last element that um we wanted to share today which is a little bit about advice for the younger women because I don't know about you but um when I was in my 20s and 30s um the thought of being in my 40s seemed like an alien concept nobody talked about the perimenopause I don't think I even knew there was a name for that I just heard about the menopause and that was what old people did and had hot flushes.

Advice For Younger Women On Unmasking

SPEAKER_01 29:55

I never knew that there was this amazing experience that was going to come and challenge me. I just heard all the negative things about it because let's face it there's some tough stuff.

SPEAKER_00 30:07

So I just thought do you know what let's let's imagine we were talking to a 20 year old who is going to go and put lots of masks on because I think that's a natural part of evolving and the person in her 30s who hits that thrisis and starts questioning things and even the person in her early 40s who might start just be going into this and thinking what's going on with me what advice would you give then oh god there's so much I want to say I don't know why I keep thinking about AI so I've gone in I've gone into an AI world because these are the you know the the people the young women coming through have grown up with their phones and they're going to be using AI and wondering you know what that's all about there there is a call for vulnerability in humanity to sort of step forward and unmask and be real and I feel like we are being told a lot like we want to hear your stories and we want to like sh share your growth stories with us and there's you know as coaches that's the work we do but also when we do public speaking and things we're sort of invited onto that and they want to hear like why why we're talking about this they don't just want to know that about the subject they want to know why we're talking about the subject and and what our life experiences of it so we have to go into these spaces and that can feel really vulnerable so but we have to always check in with ourselves I think and I think what I'm saying is like check in with yourself does it feel like the right thing for you to do and if it doesn't feel like the right thing to do then don't do it you know and and share share what you're what you're ready to share when you're ready to share it and don't feel pressurised to um share too much um and just it's a journey so there's an openness that happens over time um don't don't pressurise yourself too much is what I would say and and the mask can be so so helpful because sometimes we need to have the mask on so that we you know can gather ourselves underneath um to then come back out.

SPEAKER_01 32:02

What about you like even the the mask of putting your big girl pants on like that's a traditional one that we often hear but yes that is a mask sometimes you need to almost uh visualise yourself putting on that that armour so that you can do the big important things or try new things um sometimes you need to put uh imagine wrapping yourself in a nice little comfy card or something like that because you want to give yourself some tenderness in that moment that is a mask equally and so I think the advice that I would give to somebody in their 20s and 30s is um know that masking uh or putting on that little bit of armour for whatever you need actually it's completely normal because the whole point of that period of your life is trying to figure out what fits what doesn't fit um how do I try these new experiences is it for me is it not so there's lots of questions and you're trying to figure stuff out but don't uh allow that mass to become your identity the important advice I want to give you is just remember who you always were at six seven eight nine the things that gave you joy the things that made you giggle the the pastimes you used to do that would get you in that flow state that's that's the real essence and it's about how you try and bring that version of yourself in whilst navigating the world and then when you go into your 40s just know that yes there's going to be times where it's gonna be rough but each one is there to peel back a layer of the onion so you can emerge renewed with a fresh skin and fresh mindset and a fresh heart it literally is liberation on the other side. So

Closing Reflections And Key Takeaways

SPEAKER_01 33:43

closing um I don't want to close this one because there's so much more to say it's been a really it's been a beautiful conversation with you Karen and they always are but I've really enjoyed this one. And so I just want to say unmasking in midlife it's in it's inevitable it's necessary and it's a shift to like being present in your life and in yourself. It's about falling in love with yourself all over again forgiving yourself grieving parts of you that no longer here and shedding anything that you've learned that is no longer useful and choosing what is true and leading from a much more honest place so that you can be authentic not totally exposed but using it as a conscious choice. So until next time keep saying it sister lovely that was nice